Saturday, April 14, 2007

Boba Versus Jango

When I hang out with my brother's kids, there's only one thing that really bugs me.

See, whenever I see a mandalorian, I think "Boba Fett."

And whenever they see a mandalorian, they think "Jango Fett."

See, to them, being fans of the new movies almost exactly as much as they're fans of the old movies (which is not how I am, to say the least heh), Boba is mostly just Jango Fett's Little Kid.

Yah, whenever I say Boba, they think of that little kid, and I have to remind them of the guy in the Green "Jango" Suit that stood in the background for a few seconds in a couple of the older movies.

"Yah, he sorta stood behind Jabba, same cool armor as Jango, but it was green, 'member?"

"Uh, yah, I think."

"Well, you only got to see him for a few seconds. He got chucked into that big mouth monster in the desert."

"Oh yah."

Man, us Boba Guys really got ripped off.

Our Mandalorian didn't get to hardly do anything before he got unceremoniously made into pet food.

Yah, we had to walk for three weeks through the blinding snow just to stand around and make up a bunch of shit about how cool our Mandalorian was.

"That thing's not a Missile in a Backpack, its a Jetpack!"


Yah, back in those days, we weren't even sure that the Stormtroopers weren't supposed to be Robots.

On the other hand, Carrie Fisher totally kicks Natalie Portman's ass every which way, at least to all the guys my age, 'cause she was our version of Marilyn Monroe, or whatever-her-name-was from that Mickey Mouse Club show heh.

Every microscopic detail of her body in that slave outfit is permanently burned into my brainpan, when folks yak and shmag about "Twi'lek Dancers" being hot, I know they actually Don't Get It At All.

And you can't even have a Good Guy like Luke Skywalker in a movie in this day and age, they'd have to turn him into some kinda Angsty Wolverine Anti-hero Guy before anybody would like him.

And the only Good Yoda is Yoda from the Empire Strikes Back, where he's all wise like a Zen Master and shit, and he ain't just a guy with a speech impediment.

Yah, that's our Yoda.

And they didn't even have anybody funny like Harrison Ford.

And they didn't have no James Earl Jones Darth Vader, either.

And my brother's kids still have to play with our old Star Wars Toys, 'cause they're still the best.

I mean, the New Movies don't even hardly have anything cool in 'em that you could turn into a toy, thanks to all those rubbery liquid-terminator "life-like" computer graphics, where the Old Movies were like One Giant Never-ending Toy Commercial, every character was an action figure, every vehicle you saw was something you could put the stickers on and run around the house with.

"Here comes the AT-AT!"

"Dude, the Millenium Falcon kicks ass."

Sure beat the hell out of those Kiss Dolls we had before that heh.

So whatever, even though their Artoo can fly (*cough*bullshizm*cough*), I guess I'm still pretty cool with being a Boba Guy.

Even though we did get totally ripped off, man.

Heh heh heh.


Sundry Chicken said...

The poor Rodian race also got the nerfbat. Greedo at least was man enough to try and shoot first, grassy knoll or no... and to ask questions later. Not like that little troll of a friend Anakin had phantom menace.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...


AHAHA I gotta get me one of the Han Shot First t-shirts.

I would've added how much cooler OUR old Ben Kenobi was compared to Young Obi Wan from the New Movies, y'know, 'cause Ole Ben Kenobi IS the guy that originally sold us all on the Force, but I feel sorry for the New Guy, 'cause he had to try to be the Luke, Joke-Cracking Han, AND Wise Old Ben Kenobi of the New Star Wars Movies all at the same time, while talking to bluescreen cartoon characters, and that's some pretty stone cold shit, gotta have some respect fer that heh.

Dirk said...

I somehow, due to being a military brat and being in another country when Star Wars came out, missed out on being a Star Wars kid.

I guess. I am certainly smack dab in the middle of the target demographic.

I think I might have seen the 2nd movie before I saw the first even.

Oh well. I do agree that the original movies were better than the follow ups.

Sundry Chicken said...

ZOMG... Greedo so totally was trying to shoot first, his eye squint, upper body tensing up, his finger starting to flex. Probably his alien brain, nervous system and musculature were frantically relaying the message to his stubby little fingers when Han being THE preeminent smuggler in the outer rim and endowed with both super-human reflexes and prescience befitting a vampire beat him to it and got off the shot just before Greedo. Establishing intent rather than the temporal relativity of their combined murderous actions is paramount to an understanding of why so many vegetarians feel that eating plants who move much, much slower than animals is somehow more ethical than eating a faster and more agile animal who can presumably defend itself better.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

No, try not.


Or do not.

There is no try.

Sundry Chicken said...

What's in there?

Only what you take with you.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Ummm... judge me by my size do you?