Backyard Barbecue

Yesterday was Backyard Barbecue Day around here, one of those perfect summer days where you can just sit out there amongst the ridiculous lawn furniture and close your eyes and soak up the sunshine, had a sweet storms-a-brewing breeze blowing all day and everything.

Life doesn't ever get better than that.

I sat between my brother's wife's brother and his dad and drank beers and joked with them and listened to them argue and laugh over which one of them was the bigger toughass for most of the night.

Had to get myself into a nice highly defensible position in order to protect myself from my brother's wife's brother's wife, 'cause she knew she was looking good in her daisy dukes and she was out for blood, she actually started off with that "I know you hate me" ploy.

"Yah, it's nothing personal, I hate everybody."

And then she was trying to hook me up with this friend of hers, some kinda psychologist (ugh haha), telling me about how she was a long-legged thing with long hair and junk, 'cause my brother's wife and all her buddies are always yelling at me about how I only mess around with these perfect-looking supermodel idiots and that shit gets around heh.

In my own defense, they're the only kinda women that ever fall for all my stupid shit ahaha.

"If this person really is your friend, then you shouldn't be trying to hook the poor thing up with a guy like me. Got any enemies you want ruined?"

And of course I killed myself playing frisbee with the kids and stuff.

I actually got grass stains on my pants, I ain't had a grass stain on my pants for like twenty five years.

Can't resist a frisbee though, I'm just like a fucking dog or something, y'know, all "oh boy! FRISBEE!" heh.

I noticed that whenever my little brother's littlest kid falls down and mashes her big ole head on something, which happens all the time (she's gonna end up looking like me and frankenstein if she keeps that shit up heh), its whoever is standing closest to her that gets all the blame, I need to figure out how to turn that into some kinda drinking game.

My little brother did all the cooking, he's so goddam awesome, burgers and brats and chicken and corn on the cob and all that, and then my brother's wife broke out the ice cream cones and ice cream afterwards.

Yah, everybody was having backyard barbecues out here, y'know, on the way home, I stopped at the store to get some coffee, and the shelves were all emptied and stuff, the place actually looked like it had been looted.

Kinda funny how that can actually be something that makes you smile.