Thursday, April 12, 2007

Grand Master Bag Manager

'Member in UO, how you had to hide your good stuff under like three hundred pounds of explosive bags and logs and white picket fences and pretty little hats and shit, to protect yourself from pickpockets?

Yah, you actually made your inventory into a little maze of backpacks inside backpacks inside backpacks, with tons of dead ends (empty backpacks) and traps (explosive backpacks) and secret doors (stuff hidden under piles of other stuff) and everything, it was a rat's nest, and only you knew the quick up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right directory-tree combination that would lead to your house-keys, or your fire-extinguisher of vanquishing.

It even helped you outside of town, when you got mugged, 'cause murderers hardly ever yoinked yer body clean, 'cause your inventory was like 98% structural, tons of Concrete Blocks and Steel Beams that made up the Walls of the Maze and very small amounts of Treasure, y'know?

And so they often missed some juicy nuts that you had cleverly squirreled away and buried in the most distant branches and more elaborate nooks and crannies.

"Holy crap, lookit this guy's inventory!"

Yah, well, you gotta remember that a lot of us old-timers came from that horrible-ass game, and that we're a lot like the endlessly suspicious and slightly nasty old folks from the Depression who commit petty crimes and hoard cans of tomato soup in our mattresses and shit.

We're from the Depression Era of Online Gaming.

That's all that really comes to my mind when I see Lum talking about WoW and the Armory.

Its like the Mad Max Survivalists Versus the Nudist Utopians in Saran Wrap Spacesuits.

It is actually kinda funny that the Bloodthirsty Mad Max Cowboy Guy is forced into the Role of the Olde Fashioned Defender of Mystery and Suspense and Romance and Foreplay in this particular Sloppy Porno situation.

Its like the Prey Has Evolved into something that tastes nasty as its only defense mechanism heh.

As for me, I kinda like slowly and torturously unwrapping my presents, savoring every delicious microcosmic glimpse of impending delight, y'know, even if wrapping 'em and unwrapping 'em is all a big waste of time to you number crunchers ahaha.

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