Mack the Spork

Any of you guys know how to sing and dance around like Frank Sinatra or Kevin Spacey?

Y'know, all classy and shit like that?

No, not like that hick-ass Harry Connick Junior guy, he ain't arrogant enough, he's always trying to be all likeable and down-to-earth and shit, y'know, screw that shit.

Its gotta be something classy with balls.

Something superhumanly arrogant and king of cock control, I mean, that's the whole frickin' point of dressing-up and being a gentleman and shit, ain't it?

And its totally okay if you suck.

'Cause we could get all get dressed-up and follow you around and pretend you didn't suck.

Yah, and see, that'd make everybody else think you didn't suck.

Well, I'm pretty sure that's how Frank Sinatra and Kevin Spacey did it.

Yah, it'd be absolutely no problemo on our part, as long you paid for all the little shit and let us borrow your jetplane every once in a while.

Don't even need to write your own songs fer that stupid crap, folks'll want you to do all the classics and shit all the time anyways.

Yah, we can just say you are a performance artist and great interpreter of the classics or some etheral bullshit like that.

Could be a chick, too, don't actually gotta be a guy.

Naw, really, don't make any difference to me at all, I'm cool with faking it either way.

Think the classy nightclub-songbird most-expensive-chick-on-the-planet thing might even be more fun.

Yah, 'cause then we can pretend yer all super intelligent and shit, too.

Buddumbump.

Okay, I can see we're gonna need to toughen you up some first heh.