Wednesday, March 12, 2008


First, we'll simulate a cheesy-ass little Amish Village, y'know, like they had in the Village.

With cute red-headed blind chicks, and some kindly old leftist beard-folk with secret college knowledge, maybe, but no stab-yer-face scary halfwits, y'know, like they had in UO.

And because that shit sucks, we'll immediately try to figure out how to escape from that newbie yard with the cute red headed chick (our first pet haha), after doing a few crappy butter churning quests that were obviously designed to illustrate our cultural superiority by showing us how sucky it is to be an Amish guy so we'll wanna get the hell outtta there.

And so we run through the woods with all the fake monsters innit, and we get all scraped up and dirty, and we come to a wall.

And we'll climb over the wall, and we'll land in a black and white museum or an amusment park dedicated to 1950s Leave It To Beaver suburbia, complete with drive-in everythings and hotrods and white socks and stuff, but we won't know its a Golden Age Recreation Village at first so it'll be all creepy and weird, classic Twilight Zone, with resident actors (or mebbe they're sorta life-like robots, ala Westworld or something, except they can all do a creepy robot version of the Twist, that'd be cool too) and caretakers with walkie-talkies and jumpsuits that'll chase us around.

And then we'll come to another wall, and we'll climb that.

Or mebbe we'll just find an exit this time heh.

And we'll come face to face with a totally futuristic megalopolis, an entire planet crawling with robots and flying cars and dudes with jetpacks and helmets and laser guns and stuff.

But no cat people, 'cause I hate cat people.

Yah, alien races that are human bodies with the heads of animals are the worst, none of that.

Alligator men are okay as long as you know its campy and there's only one of 'em, y'know, like a monster instead of a whole race of Alligator Men who understand nature better than us 'cause they're part animal (ugh) or have a culture based on might and dying in battle like some half-assed version of the Vikings (gah Klingons heh).

So anyways we get a job working the docks at a starport, and we start to learn about the Real World from all these toothless crackhead heavy metal space pirates and prostitutes, with nothing expected of us, 'cause we're dumbass no-technology Amish people.

Or mebbe we're hillbillies who know all about NASCAR and moonshine and doing bootleggers to escape from the cops or something, 'cause that'd give us a genetic edge in the space pilot-slash-mechanic-slash smuggler thingie, but you get my point.

See, in a game like that, all the UO people like Raph could stay in that Amish medieval faire place at the beginning until they were ready to make the transition to the good stuff (heh heh heh heh heh).

And everything is intuitive, you don't gotta know anything or read the instructions or know any tiresome scfi background trivia garbage to get started, 'cause yer a know-nothing innocent-ass two-fisted Amish guy who is always doing funny-ass shit like defending a woman's honor and whatever.

Or you are a wrestling fan from a Trailer park.

Or a caveman, same thing.

Mebbe there's two or three races and starting points, that's always good for replayability heh.

Yah, mebbe you need more of them starting place things, now that I think about, for folks from other cultures, but those are the only ones I'm familiar with ahaha.

Dude, c'mon, that's the awesomest blueprint for a Traveller-Star Frontiers-Firefly-Frontier-Privateer type game there's ever gonna be.

With kickass hover cycle chases through the streets and Post-Apocalyptic Super Vans and those monster truck planetary explorer vehicles and ice planets with snow mobiles and Retro Rocket Rangers in silver spacesuits and evil corporations and milk-spewing androids and alien ruins that turn out to be the Ancient Super Advanced Ancestors of Human Beings ('cause you always gotta have that).

And helicopters.

And no cat people.

Easy peasy.

1 comment:

W.Churchill said...

Brilliant my good man, absolutely brilliant.