Thursday, March 6, 2008

Fancy Sammiches

Sometimes the cheapest and nastiest version of a thing really is the best version of a thing.

That's definitely true in the case of Ice Cream Sammiches.

The cheapest Ice Cream Sammich in a store is always the tastiest Ice Cream Sammich in the store.

Its just one of those rare things that started out in a perfect state back in the cowboy times when they were first invented or whatever, they just can't be improved upon, any little thing you'd try to change about them would be an instant disaster.

I mean, there's always something seriously wrong with the Fancy Versions of Ice Cream Sammiches, y'know, like, the breading ain't mushy enough or the Ice Cream ain't smushy enough and so it don't ooze out the sides of the sammich all wrong and force you to lick the wrapper or the wax paper its wrapped in is too fancy and waxy and it don't get soggy enough for you to accidentally eat a little bit of it and so you never find out how much fun it is to chew Ice Cream Sammich Flavored Wax Paper.

Anything you could think do to that perfectly awesome mess of sticky lick-yer-fingers-and-wash-your-face-afterwards sensory data would just tone it down somehow or make it tamer and less fun in some way.

You don't want that boney-ass Fancy Ice Cream Sammich made by that Aunt you got that goes around pretending to like kids just because its the "proper" thing to do.

Fancy Ice Cream Sandwiches just don't get it, man.

Some things were just meant to be disgustingly awesome and nasty heh.


Lon said...

Cheap ass school pizza. That stuff is so bad it's good.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Oh yah man that's another good one.

There's a special place for burnt cheese, cardboard and catsup, especially when you consider the whole Angry Momma With a Hairnet Delivery System that typically comes with the entire School Pizza Cafeteria Experience ahaha.