Friday, June 13, 2008

The King of Boobs and Gore

Gonna take a break here just to talk about Friday the 13th for a second.

Not the superstitious holiday thingie, although, if you ask me, anything you think about too much like that is bound to have some kinda effect on your day heh.

Yah, I know that's some kinda "don't be scared of the dog! he can smell fear!" advice, that's why I like it ahaha.

Anyways, Friday the 13th, the movies, is really where the whole "boobs and gore" thing came from.

See, when I was a little runt, like, 11 years old or something, and too young to party properly, we used to steal some beers (when you are eleven, three beers will get you wasted), or mix small, undetectable amounts of booze together from somebody's parents' liquor cabinet, and then we'd kick back and watch slasher movies.

And the king of the Boobs and Gore slasher movies was the Friday the 13th movies.

Especially because they never made any sense, starting with the premise that Jason Voorhees is a full-grown and gigantic muscle-bound guy that drown in a lake when he was a little kid.

But they were never campy, that's the thing, the Friday the 13th movies, for all their "logic of no logic," somehow managed to be pretty damn well done and cool and not sloppy or cheap or anything at all, I mean, there really are some really well directed and awesome scenes from the Friday the 13th movies, with the rain and the ch-ch-ch-ow-ow-ow sound effects and the flood lights.

Plus they're sorta like "Time Capsules" of what was cool at the time they came out, which gives 'em a lot of flavor, most things try to seem "timeless," but Friday the 13th went in the other direction ('cause they needed to have some cool kids so the cool kids could die first haha) and it ends up making you realize what really is timeless, y'know, when you see the same ole shit over and over again in different clothes.

And they always always delivered on the Boobs and Gore, without fail, there may be nothing in this world that you can trust, but this, this you can trust heh.

So I just thought I'd do the hat tip and stuff.

In the horror world, there's fans of Jason, and fans of Freddy, and I'm not a fan of Freddy.

With his stupid "looks like a guy with a lot on his mind!" quips as he unzips some guy's skull and looks at his brains, all that shit to make the movie seem less scary, Freddy is a cartoon, Nightmare on Elm Street is for pussies.

Jason don't say shit.

'Cept fer that creepy bird-noise ch-ch-ch-kill-kill-kill stuff ahaha.

And Freddy don't deliver on the Boobs portion of a Balanced Boobs and Gore Breakfast, man.

So there you go, he don't even fucking count heh.

Same thing with Michael Myers, even though I totally Like Mike, the Halloween movies are top notch as far as horror movies go (well, the original one, at least), but Mike ain't really a reliable source of Boobs and Gore either, he's definitely nothing you could make twenty different kinds of drinking games around like you can with the Friday the 13th movies, y'know, where you can bet on who is gonna get it first and how they're gonna die and who is gonna take off their shirt and scream about how fake the special effects looked and all that, Halloween just ain't a social thing like that.

Jason is the King, man, the King of Boobs and Gore, long live the King ahaha.

2 comments:

Bonedead said...

Well I was going to say how one of the Jason movies was filmed at Cliffside Lake near one of my little home towns in NC, but then I searched the internet and found out I have been lied to my whole life. Which made me search over Google Maps to find other park/lake/recreation areas that I used to enjoy as a kid.

Blame yourself for this information:
Cliffside Lake, North Carolina
Lake Chatuge, NC
Fort de Soto, Florida

Childhood memories bitches!

Thimpo said...

When someone encounters those words "boobs" there cant be any denial we all want to have a look at them. Perhaps the quest to see them can never be satisfied and I am not complaining. In this case looks to me it was a mistake on my part as I cant find them anywhere. Any chances of getting to see them in the future!

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