Saturday, September 22, 2007

Turner Mystery Classics Science Movies Theatre

You know that Turner Classic Movies channel?

Where they got that old guy that tells you all about those old movies and the history of the actors and the directors and interesting facts about production and all that kinda stuff?

And he's on TV, like, twenty four hours a day, man, seven days a week, he must take naps while the movies are running and shit.

Well, he's already seen all the movies, y'know, that guy knows fucking everything about movies, man, even the newer ones, so its not like he's gotta watch 'em with you, but still, man, that's like, totally crazy, man.

I dunno how he stays so fucking cheerful and shit ahaha.

Anyways, I think they oughta add some new dudes to that show, to liven things up, y'know?

Like, some younger dudes in the background, wearing tinfoil hats and playing playstation in that cushy living room he's got there in that Movie Vault Bomb Shelter of his, or whatever its supposed to be.

Y'know, they could be making faces whenever he has to do one of those monologues of his, trying to screw him up and make him lose his cool and shit.

'Cause it'd be awesome if he wigged out and started screaming and yelling at 'em and shit heh.

Or even just cheering for him and offering Hulkamania shouts of encouragement, all super loud and crap, while he's trying to do his thing, to try to make it up to him and make him feel better and stuff ahaha.

Y'know, 'cause everybody loves that guy, really, you wouldn't really wanna keep him being pissed off at you or nothing.

Oh, yah, and some super hot Elvira-type chicks floppin' 'em up and down and bouncing on the couch back there would be good too, oh hellyah, you gotta have that.

Gotta get those kinda women that ask the stupidest questions about movies while yer trying to watch 'em, where they ask you what's gonna happen next every couple of seconds or whatever.

And you know how sometimes they interrupt the movies in the middle, for a commercial, and they wake up that poor old guy and make him do a little more commentary or whatever?

Well, then you can have the guys and elvira chicks give their opinions of the movie, y'know, like, Mystery Science Theatre kinda stuff, where they say a bunch of totally stupid and ignorant crap on purpose, to try to totally piss off the old expert guy heh.

Yah, and then, like, you can see how ragged looking and messed up he gets after a couple weeks of that shit, where he can't remember nothing from doing all those bonghits and his hair is all fucked up and he's always checking his pockets like Columbo for the Visine and stuff ahaha.


"Dude, its right here where you left it in your 'Very Own Personal' Funions Bowl, man."

"Dude, I think he's freaking."

"Yah, we gotta do something before he has a grabber or some shit, I mean, look how red his face is getting, his head is like a gigantic fucking blister or something."

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