Sunday, September 16, 2007

A Helmetful of Evil

Dude, a historically accurate game based on Ancient Rome would be kick ass.

Look at this gladiator shit they're saying (on the internet *wink*) now.

They never told us any of that cool shit back when I was a kid.

I mean, I knew gladiators used nets sometimes, and that was about it.

You can't tell me that following all that horrifying shit to the letter wouldn't make a totally kick ass game, even without any of the mythological monster garbage (ain't that monster crap in Gods and Heroes a bunch of Greek stuff, really, anyways?).

And then you got the armies spread around in all those exotic places in the ancient world, and the grim stuff you had to do to appease the gods, and the crazy emperors and stuff.

And the comedy of the junk that mirrors the way we do shit now, with gladiators advertising products and shit before their battles, or with their toothless smiles on billboards, like some kinda Wrestling Federation, and the ticket scalpers, and that Emperor's Newspaper, getting read in public, with his Horoscopes, y'know, you gotta wonder what one of those crazy Emperor bastards would give you for a Horoscope ahaha.

Sure, it'd be rated Adult Only, trying to make it anything else would be like making a disney cartoon with a lot of cutesy R&B songs about Serial Killing or some kinda horrifying fucking disaster.

That's the shit with our ratings systems, y'know, to have the only educational thing out there be rated XXX or whatever the fuck, while all this shit about serial killers and rapists like one-eyed peg-legged pirates and dudes that fed their unruly slaves to animals and put on plays with Live Executions of the actors at lunchtime gets turned into some kinda Rated G Superfriends thing, where you can bloodlessly murder shit for hours and hours for magical powers and treasure and dollhouse furniture in a pleasant, obscenity-filtered environment.

Bah, whatever, its not like I really give a shit, I get that folks think the helmets look cool, I think the helmets look cool too.

I definitely wouldn't mind seeing s'more sorta-historically accurate and somewhat intelligent shit, though, insteada all these rubbery woobwoobwoob three stooges cartoons about murdering shit and looting corpses, but I also know that's where the rating systems puts the money at, right?

Yah, I'm more into smart, high faluting shit, y'know, like Tabula Rasa, where I can make those tough moral choices about whether or not I should kill s'more Flesh Eating Alien Cyborg Demons so I can complete my Magical Robot Symbol Collection, its rough calls like that that really tug at my old heart strings and make me stop and ponder the Big Questions in Life when the tears start to well up ahaha.

I want a game that shows me something from history and makes me say "holy shit this is fucked!" y'know?

Wouldn't it be cool to be the guy that made something like that?

*nudge nudge*



W.Churchill said...

Rome Online! Historically accurate MMORPG. Raw in your face living Roman style! Of course most everyone would want to be a gladiator or a legionnaire. But its gotta be close to history man, no monsters or bullshit elves, just boom, here you are now go make something of your life. Murder plots, plan a way to ruin the other guys reputation, etc.

I mean hell man, the political intrigue could almost be a game all to its self. Shit, ok so you want to run for office and get a seat on the forum as a senator but first you gotta serve your time in the legions cause thats how it was back then. Only dudes who served could hold office.

But once your in you get the good seats to the arena fights, wine, women, the works. But theres a vote coming up so you'd better sharpen your dagger and watch your back.

Damn that could be so awesome man. You could be the best of whatever it is you choose to do but you always gotta remember that you a dagger or cup of poisoned wine away from hitting rock bottom. The bigger you get the harder you might fall. So you'd have to form alliances with other people, but even then thats no guarantee you wont get stabbed in the back.

Cover it all, you can be a fish monger or running a huge trade operation, rise to the rank of Legatus Legionis and go fight and command troops.

W.Churchill said...

Man I need a few million dollars so I can get a dev team together and make these games I want to see being made. I'd hire Dundee to run the show and throw huge sacks of money at him until get gets the job done.

It can be done, I would do it in a heart beat but I know nothing of game design, yet.

W.Churchill said...

hell man this topic has my brain working overtime. This is a great idea, but knowing the industry and the track record of games I dont think theres a snowballs chance in hell any studio worth a damn would step up and make it happen.

I use to bend Dundees ear about shit like this and he'd always have some good input. But yeah, without the cash and doing the research to see if this would catch on and rake in the subscription numbers, bah, Im gonna go buy a lotto ticket

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Yah, just thinking about the "quest" type shit you could do designed around Senators worrying that their wives were cheating on 'em with gladiators is enough for me heh.

Or how about the poor team of shmucks that had to keep the Colliseum stocked with fresh Giraffes?

What a pain in the ass that musta been.

And not just to find giraffes, and capture them alive, and ride in a boat for six months or whatever with 'em, but to then be forced to try to get these docile giant Gazelles to look "ferocious" and actually try to put up a fight and maybe even kill convicted criminals (its like trying to kill somebody with a wet spaghetti noodle heh) in an entertaining way for a bloodthirsty crowd so that some insane emperor doesn't have your arms and legs hacked off because he's BORED with your Giraffes Underwhleming Performance, that's the shit, man.

There's yer Adult Version of the WoW Hunter Pet Class heh.