Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Bandit Camp

So I'm a Gondorian Infantryman with no prospects and nothing to show for my character, and I hear about this place, this place they got, up in the woods between Rohan and Gondor.

Its a Bandit Fort with this gladiator arena type fighting pit thing.

A hive of scum and villainy, a real party town.

I don't have a horse and I only got 30 denars in my pocket so I have to hoof it up there and bet my whole paycheck on the first fighting match.

And I go down there and join my team in the ring 'cause its my whole paycheck on the line, if I lose this match, I won't even have enough money to make another bet.

Yah so I'm basically betting on myself in a gladiator ring.

And I do enough matches that the Bandits at the Bandit Camp give me the Bandit Champion Title, with a prize of 1000 denars cash.

And I buy a horse so I won't have to hoof it around no more, and I use the rest of the prize winnings to recruit people from Taverns all around the world into my Mighting Fighting Tavern Army.

But it all starts down here at the bandit camp, with sweaty, oily, gladiator fights, and a place that sells freshly rolled Corsair Cigars and Rohan Whisky during the Rohan Whisky Prohibition.

I'll also get the Berserker Title at the End of the Week Title Awards because of all the fights I did with no shirt on, and that's like a little heal that goes off when I'm badly wounded.

And all the foot battles moves you toward the Infantry Captain title so my dudes will heal when they first get hit sometimes.

Orcs can fight here in the ring too, you know.

Yep, big ones from Isengard, there's even Elfs here, the Bandit Camp is a Neutral Place where we can all drink and arm wrestle, even though we're on different sides of the War with the Lidless Eye.

Yep, there was a Priest of the Lidless Eye here a second ago, he was explaining the whole thing to me, I never heard of all that stuff from the 1st and second age before, things are starting to make a lot of sense to me, these elves are really leaving us in the lurch with bad property values, these damn orcs are actually bad elves, they're elven hillbillies that the "good" elves are leaving us with.

Can you believe that?

Well, whatever, I'm just gonna make enough money in the Lord of the Wrestling Ring matches to get a horse and get out of here.

I wanna figure out where on the Bad Guy side the Black Numenorians come from, 'cause if I have to switch sides, that's what I wanna be, one of them Black Knights, that's all class, with the Black Helmets and Black Horses and stuff heh.

Or one of the wolf riding guys, that's fun, that's like the motorcycle of the cavalry world, gimme one of those guys with the white handprint on his face and a Big Black Bow and let me hunt for human flesh, I hear those guys eat their prisoners insteada selling them to the guy who buys slaves at the Bandit Camp ahaha.

Yah, its crazy, I heard those Isengard guys are actually trying to beat Mordor too.

Well, whatever, y'know, I'm going to buy a horse and then head back down to Gondor and look for youths to recruit from taverns heh.

Yah, and then I'll send them into suicidal battles with bandits and Corsairs and train them up into fine Tavern Battle Machines like me ahaha.

Rohan has it so easy man don't even get me started.

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