Lord of the Hillbillies

Galadriel is the daughter of the half-brother of Feanor, the Ultimate Warrior of the Elves, the guy who made the Silmarils and sailed away from that elven heaven place (Valinor) with a bunch of his brothers and kids (and his uh... half-niece Galadriel, I guess) to kick the ass of Morgoth, who was the "evil" god of the Lord of the Rings world that got banished from screwing around with the planet at the end of the First Age (the Lord of the Rings story is all about the end of the Third Age).

Galadriel and Feanor and all them were all born in that Elven Heaven place (Valinor), and not in the Middle Earth everybody knows about from the Lord of the Rings stories (which they called Aman, but y'know how Tolkien likes to give everything six names).

That's why Galadriel is so cool with the oogly woogly hypno-eyes and everythang in the movies, she's actually an elf that's older than the current formation of the continents in Middle Earth, (two times over, I think), and she was born in Elven Heaven heh.

Anyways Galadriel also happens to be Elrond's Mother-in-Law.

Yep, see, Elrond married Galadriel's daughter Celebrian, who ditched out on Elrond and sailed back to the Valinor and left Elrond to take care of their kid Arwen.

And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.

Seriously, that's why Elrond watches over the line of Isildur, those are Elrond's brother Elros's kids, Isildur and Aragorn and all them are Elrond's great great (blah blah blah) grand nephews.

And that's also why Elrond watches over the shards of Narsil and all that.

Half-elves (like Elrond) have to decide whether they want to "sail to the west" or die like a mortal and go where mortals go when mortals die, and Elrond chose the Immortal Elf Way, and his brother chose the mortal thingie, and Aragorn is a descendent of Elrond's brother, who started the Human Line of Kings, even though he was only half human.

Actually Elrond and his brother weren't just "regular" half-human and half-elven guys, though.

Elrond and his bro were descendents of Thingol (another super powered elf like Feanor) and Melien (one of them Maia Handservants of the Valar God-type thingies, a Forest Spirit that's basically the same thing that Sauron is, except not all evil and junk).

Sauron was just the butler of that Morgoth guy, and he took up the Bad Guy gig in the Second and Third Age when Morgoth got the boot at the end of the First Age.

So anyways Elrond is sorta part-elf, part-man, and part-little-god-like-Sauron-is.

And so is Aragorn, although he's a lot more human than Elrond, 'cause most of his ancestors were human.

But that weird blood is why Aragorn lived so long.

And some of the dudes of Gondor (who are a mix of Aragorn's guys and regular humans) got that three-way blood in 'em too, y'know, 'cause not everybody in the line of kings became a king and the king's sister had kids and stuff.

And I'm pretty sure Boromir and Faramir are a couple of them.

So that would mean that nobody in the Fellowship of the Ring was actually one hundred percent human heh.

And Arwen is Elrond's daughter, right?

And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.

So they're actually some kinda kissing cousins, then, ain't they?

Uh huh.

*plucks banjo*

Galadriel is actually pretty closely related to her husband Celeborn, too, in more than way, I think, and Celeborn is a kinsman of Elrond's dad, which means Elrond and his wife were related to each other on both sides of their family too, and so they're all like "I'm my own cousin, my own stepson, and my own uncle" and stuff heh.

Frickin' elves ahaha.

And the dwarves ain't no better with the inbreeding, man, they're all actually the descendents of seven little toy golems made out of clay who must've been able to reproduce homosexually for there to be more than seven of 'em heh.

I don't think inbreeding really "counts" with robots, though, y'know?

Still, this ain't as bad as Star Wars, where the three human women in the story are Luke's Grandmother, Luke's Mother, and Luke's Sister, I mean, that guy musta been hurting, man, its no wonder he had all that energy and could lift shit with his mind and stuff heh.