Well, this is kinda cool.
Guess you still gotta wait till yer twenty to get rid of the easter-egg purple and yellow newbie tights and stuff though.
But that's supposed to build character and glue a big sweaty glob of hair to yer chest and all that good stuff or whatever y'know heh.
Here's all them other dev blogs thingies, they got all the stuff they're adding in the Chapter 12 Update that's supposed to be making a landing soon.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Taking the Hobbits to Isengard
So Ex-B started playing Lord of the Rings Online with me this week, finally.
And we got this kickass little Minstrel-Guardian Hobbit Dungeon Bulldozing Team that managed to defeat the Most Evil Tree at the Blackened Heart of the Old Forest on the third day he was playing.
Just me and him.
And it was a totally awesome fight that went on for like four days and nights where my little Armored Hobbit got sent sailing into the treetops whenever the Most Evil Tree got really pissed off at me and gave me the Hulkamaniac Hobbit Punt heh.But I forgot to take pictures of that.
Well, y'know, I was a little preoccupied, what with all the laughing and screaming battle cries on voicecom and bouncing off the treetops and trying to get my stumpy little legs to get me back into the fight before the damn thing turned on Ex-B ahaha.
Just like I forgot to take pictures of the Mummra Nazgul Looking Thingie we fought, in the Battle of Whatsisnuts, y'know, the one with all the Fog Effects and Killer Rats and the Human Ranger Guy that we had to keep alive.
And that's just like I forgot to take pictures of the half-hour long Benny Hill Chase Scene that started when we had to retreat from a Goblin Army and we actually ended up retreating deeper into the Goblin Army insteada out of it and leading a merry chase and a Classic Epic-Sized Train of like twenty or thirty critters around and around the battlefield with dogs biting us on the ass and goblins throwing spears and nets at us, including one part where we stopped running for a couple seconds because we were sure Ex-B had died, even though he was still alive, before we finally got away ahaha.
Yah man, I really suck at taking pictures, or even remembering to take pictures.
Plus pictures just ain't as cool as seeing it as a movie anyways.
But I did finally remember to take a couple pictures when we got to the top of Weathertop, y'know, where Frodo got stabbed with that Morgul Knife and Aragorn fought off those Nazgul Guys in the movies.
So anyways that's what I been doing lately.
Well, besides watching the Third Season of Stargate: Atlantis, which is pretty frickin' awesome.
And tonight I gotta go to my little brother's Oldest Sons birthday party, so no LOTRO fer me.
And I dunno if you got any siblings (I know some of ya do) but when you are one of two brothers, when yer little, y'know how one of you is always "the Bad One" that's "in the Doghouse" with all the women in your family, and the other one is "the Golden Child That Can Do No Wrong?"
Because you know how Adults always gotta turn everything into some kinda oversimplified Soap Opera by stereotyping you?
Just 'cause they love drama and watching movies about sick kids and stuff?
Just 'cause they love drama and watching movies about sick kids and stuff?
Well that's whats going on with this poor kid, the Birthday Boy is the one in the doghouse this season, and his momma don't even wanna talk about his birthday party (but that shit switches back and forth, y'know, it'll be his little Super Genius Golden Child brother's turn to be in the doghouse soon enough heh).
So whatever, I gotta go over there and show him some support, being a guy that pretty much spent his entire youth In the Doghouse as "the Bad Brother" ahaha.
And tomorrow I gotta go with my P's to see their new Log Cabin project in the Middle of Nowhere, Michigan (or mebbe its Middle of Nowhere, Indiana, I aint exactly sure).
And everybody is sick with the flu and bronchitis and who-knows-what over here and its all snowy and freezing (which makes me wanna hibernate like a bear) and we're all eating old-fashioned Tamales to keep warm and waiting for the magical healing effects of mom's Chicken Soup to kick in heh.
And that's that.
Anyways, you guys should come play Lord of the Rings with us, y'know?
Insteada Saving the World or whatever yer doing over there in the corner with all that fancy frankenstein equipment ahaha.
And that's that.
Anyways, you guys should come play Lord of the Rings with us, y'know?
Insteada Saving the World or whatever yer doing over there in the corner with all that fancy frankenstein equipment ahaha.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Things That Are Great About LOTRO
I keep doing nasty stuff about LOTRO and its not really fair.
'Cause I like the game, y'know?
I mean, I know I like the game, there's all these little things I notice that I go "oh man this is great," but then I forget all about it.
And its just hard for me to say nice things about stuff, 'cause I got a million billion ways to say something sucks but I only know two words to use when something is good, and that's "kickass" and "awesome."
And those two words aren't even all that great heh.
First off, I know I blabbered about how great it woulda been to have the music from the movies, but the music in the game is actually pretty awesome.
Especially the music in the Trollshaws, there's parts of that that makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, its really kinda scary-good.
And there's lots of different music all over the place, every place has its own stuff that's pretty good, can't really think of anything in there that is totally annoying like that crappy unga-bunga drum orc junk was from WoW (although that Night Elf Woods Music they had in there was really awesome too).
But you won't get to hear that until yer like level 30 or something so its sorta going to waste if you get bored and frustrated before you get far enough to make the run to Rivendell heh.
Second, I crab about the lore but actually the world-building guys and the dudes who do all the quests really couldn't be any better than they are.
And the Evendim expansion (thassa new "land" fulla stuff to do that was added for free, sorta Classic Asheron's Call Style) was totally top-notch and deep-lore awesome too.
Only thing that really ruins Evendim is the way all the monsters are so damn close together that you either need to fight for like six hours to get anywhere ('cause all the roads are clogged with monsters too) or you gotta hobble around from place to place all crippled while pretending all the snares and diseases and the twenty monsters chasing after you and biting away at yer ass ain't happening (which is what everybody does heh).
Its funny how a little thing like "monster density" can really ruin something that's otherwise terrific.
Oh, having to swim around in the lake a lot really bites 'cause it takes forever to get anywhere, I mean, you can hardly tell that you are moving when yer in the middle of an ocean for like ten minutes of swimming, that's another thing that ain't so good, I file those type of things under "player pathing" but almost nobody understands that kinda "player pathing" stuff except for some old EQ-type dudes (and the guys who made some of the areas for WoW, you know a guy gets "player pathing" when a game has lots of cool "hunting areas" that work sorta like a mini-strategy game with their own specific clockwork mechanisms and stuff that you can figure out the trick to and get "good at" insteada just tons of "yards" full of random "monster spawns" every so many feet).
What stinks is that LOTRO has such awesome terrain and so much detail and love and energy and intelligence put into it and then somebody just randomly sprinkled all this stupid yard trash monster crap on top that clutters up the place and goes around making all this stupid "gobble-gobble-gobble" endless loop sound effect racket garbage that ruins the mood of the music and shit heh.
Okay, okay, I'm starting to go negative again.
Man, I just can't seem to help it ahaha.
Last time I played I was reading the books while I was playing and like, every single sentence from the books was in the game, I shit you not, the place Frodo and Sam meet the Elves in the Shire, the Big Hill in the Middle of Old Forest, the guy that Samwise argues with at the Green Dragon, I mean, every damn little thing is in there.
And the stuff they made up (like where you help 'em reforge Aragorn's sword) is really all deep and awesome (if you bother to read the stuff) and you can tell whoever is doing it totally reveres the lore and junk too.
Plus the quests are all inventive as hell and stuff too, with tons of moving parts and puppetry.
Only bad thing is the ones you gotta skip or get frustrated with 'cause you need a group to do 'em (in another one of these Brad McQuaid Style "monster fighting football team" games) and that can kinda ruin some otherwise awesome shit.
See how there's like this superficial level of sucky game mechanics layered on an otherwise super deep and totally awesome game?
I dunno why they just didn't make everything important soloable up 'till max level, y'know, like WoW does it, where they got some hardcore elite stuff for the treasure-whores sprinkled around but not the awesome junk that's supposed to be delivering the plot that you gotta run through at a million miles an hour with some pickup group of hardcore players 'cause they're the only ones that can do it and they don't even CARE about the plot heh.
Its the same thing that was messed up with DDO man, and that just drives me nuts, they had such awesome and cleverly designed dungeon/quest thingies in that game but it just got brutalized by the nature of the only people that would put up with those kinda game mechanics long enough (I can do it either way, y'know).
Oh, another thing that really bugs me is the way they only give you five character slots, y'know, I thought we were done with that stupid junk already, I mean, do you wanna make a cult or do you wanna get and retain some customers, you gotta make up yer mind there, "character slots" are how many lives your game has for a lot of people heh.
Plus they got all these game mechanics (like group-only level-dependent content and lower level crafting) that totally don't work if everybody on the server has their five 50th level guys and there ain't no newbs running around, its just totally self-defeating and especially newb-defeating, y'know, I just don't get it.
Mebbe my friend takes too long to get the game and now I don't have no room left to make a guy to hang out with him, yeh?
I mean, I'm guilty of this, I have a really hard time pricing the stuff I wanna sell for real newbs, I feel like I'm getting ripped off, y'know, I don't wanna have to go out and gather ore and shit, I'm gonna make you pay hard if I gotta do that heh.
And all they'd need to do is give people more slots.
You can't even try every class in the game on one server (where all your friends and hard-earned twinking money are) without deleting characters like we got trained to do in SWG, that is just ghetto-bad game design ahaha.
Oops, here I go again, crabbing insteada talking about how great stuff is.
Okay, hmm, let's see, uh, man, Hunters are a really great class, they're the kings of dps and killing stuff quickly in a game where you get powerful for killing stuff, they can teleport instantly pretty much everywhere you'd ever wanna teleport to in a game that otherwise makes you slog through millions of miles of annoying terrain, and even when they do feel like hoofing it, they're the class with the speed buff so they can always run super fast, and if they pick the harvesting tradeskill, which goes great with being able to run faster than everybody else and teleport back and forth to town, they can make their own armor for free and make mad phat money on the side selling extra boiled hides (which you get from killing stuff faster than everybody else) and all the ore and wood you bothered to collect that you don't actually need for anything.
I always thought crafting should be kinda like a quest to build your own junk pioneer style like it was in UO but this is one of those "hardcore auction house" crafting games and not one of those kinda things heh.
They got houses and stuff but it aint all awesome like EQ2 was with that junk, people really oughta pay more attention to that part of EQ2, that's really the only thing that was super strong in that game that holds it all together imho, the fighting monsters was crap and all clunky and stuff and the classes were boring as hell, but the crafting system and the way you could make your house into a shop and stuff was genius (oh the graphics were good, though, but that sorta goes hand-in-hand with everything).
Gawd, how long have I been blabbering, I hope this ain't super huge already.
That monster fighting football team junk is getting really old, I wish people would steal some more bits from UO, where it was "more the merrier" and you could bring Newbs with on the Big Dragon Hunt and let them take their own shwacks at the thing with their Newbie Swords, but I know that "skill increase from use" thing is kinda sucky in its own way unless you do it better than they did it in UO where everybody just ended up macroing their characters aganst polar bears trapped in their houses by a pile of boxes and stuff, that was shit as far as the "fun is in the journey" crapola ahaha.
Where's my These Are the Days of High Adventure, baby?
Hmm hmm hmm lessee.
Okay that's about it, I guess.
I did manage to say a couple good stuffs in there, I uh, think.
Hey man I dunno what's wrong with me I really do like the game I just can't help myself.
Don't even make me get into the way they try to "manipulate" the "populations" of players who woulda wanted to be an Elf by Making Elves Suck Worse Than Humans so that the player will decide to pick to be something they don't really wanna be (its not just limited to that, though, they do the same things with classes) just like Raph Did It, I CANNOT BELIEVE that nobody but me thinks that "Jedi Should Be Rare Shit" isn't TOTALLY FUCKED man ahaha.
Are you trying to entertain people for money or are you working for some crazy ass Higher Purpose where you think that all your players wanna have you try to manipulate 'em like that for their own benefit or something?
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOD OF A TINY LITTLE UNIVERSE LIKE THAT ROCKETSHIP DUDE THAT WENT NUTS IN THAT OLD TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODE WITH THE LITTLE ALIENS?
Sheesh give that shit UP already, man, you guys must REALLY be some SERIOUS NERDS with MASSIVE issues from high school to be doing control freak junk like that, y'know, I mean, yer worse than the dudes that became COPS fer the love of mike man ahaha.
Okay, okay, whew, gotta quit going down all these negative paths, gotta get back to the good stuff, right, deep breaths, ahhhh.
My uncle was a cop and he was a totally cool guy I don't got anything against good cops (especially the awesome Family Guy cops we got in Chicago) but the good cops know exactly who I'm talking about let's face it heh.
Ugh now I'm picking on the police holy shit this is a train wreck of Epic Proportions my shit is on fire and sliding sideways off the rails into a poisonous swamp full of snakes and exploding helicopters ahaha.
Ah well, I tried, y'know, I really did.
Hey at least I din't crab about how purple fruke almost all the frickin' clothes and armor in the game are this time.
Er, sorta.
I'm telling you man, this whole "trying to say nice things" shit sucks some serious ass ahaha.
'Cause I like the game, y'know?
I mean, I know I like the game, there's all these little things I notice that I go "oh man this is great," but then I forget all about it.
And its just hard for me to say nice things about stuff, 'cause I got a million billion ways to say something sucks but I only know two words to use when something is good, and that's "kickass" and "awesome."
And those two words aren't even all that great heh.
First off, I know I blabbered about how great it woulda been to have the music from the movies, but the music in the game is actually pretty awesome.
Especially the music in the Trollshaws, there's parts of that that makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, its really kinda scary-good.
And there's lots of different music all over the place, every place has its own stuff that's pretty good, can't really think of anything in there that is totally annoying like that crappy unga-bunga drum orc junk was from WoW (although that Night Elf Woods Music they had in there was really awesome too).
But you won't get to hear that until yer like level 30 or something so its sorta going to waste if you get bored and frustrated before you get far enough to make the run to Rivendell heh.
Second, I crab about the lore but actually the world-building guys and the dudes who do all the quests really couldn't be any better than they are.
And the Evendim expansion (thassa new "land" fulla stuff to do that was added for free, sorta Classic Asheron's Call Style) was totally top-notch and deep-lore awesome too.
Only thing that really ruins Evendim is the way all the monsters are so damn close together that you either need to fight for like six hours to get anywhere ('cause all the roads are clogged with monsters too) or you gotta hobble around from place to place all crippled while pretending all the snares and diseases and the twenty monsters chasing after you and biting away at yer ass ain't happening (which is what everybody does heh).
Its funny how a little thing like "monster density" can really ruin something that's otherwise terrific.
Oh, having to swim around in the lake a lot really bites 'cause it takes forever to get anywhere, I mean, you can hardly tell that you are moving when yer in the middle of an ocean for like ten minutes of swimming, that's another thing that ain't so good, I file those type of things under "player pathing" but almost nobody understands that kinda "player pathing" stuff except for some old EQ-type dudes (and the guys who made some of the areas for WoW, you know a guy gets "player pathing" when a game has lots of cool "hunting areas" that work sorta like a mini-strategy game with their own specific clockwork mechanisms and stuff that you can figure out the trick to and get "good at" insteada just tons of "yards" full of random "monster spawns" every so many feet).
What stinks is that LOTRO has such awesome terrain and so much detail and love and energy and intelligence put into it and then somebody just randomly sprinkled all this stupid yard trash monster crap on top that clutters up the place and goes around making all this stupid "gobble-gobble-gobble" endless loop sound effect racket garbage that ruins the mood of the music and shit heh.
Okay, okay, I'm starting to go negative again.
Man, I just can't seem to help it ahaha.
Last time I played I was reading the books while I was playing and like, every single sentence from the books was in the game, I shit you not, the place Frodo and Sam meet the Elves in the Shire, the Big Hill in the Middle of Old Forest, the guy that Samwise argues with at the Green Dragon, I mean, every damn little thing is in there.
And the stuff they made up (like where you help 'em reforge Aragorn's sword) is really all deep and awesome (if you bother to read the stuff) and you can tell whoever is doing it totally reveres the lore and junk too.
Plus the quests are all inventive as hell and stuff too, with tons of moving parts and puppetry.
Only bad thing is the ones you gotta skip or get frustrated with 'cause you need a group to do 'em (in another one of these Brad McQuaid Style "monster fighting football team" games) and that can kinda ruin some otherwise awesome shit.
See how there's like this superficial level of sucky game mechanics layered on an otherwise super deep and totally awesome game?
I dunno why they just didn't make everything important soloable up 'till max level, y'know, like WoW does it, where they got some hardcore elite stuff for the treasure-whores sprinkled around but not the awesome junk that's supposed to be delivering the plot that you gotta run through at a million miles an hour with some pickup group of hardcore players 'cause they're the only ones that can do it and they don't even CARE about the plot heh.
Its the same thing that was messed up with DDO man, and that just drives me nuts, they had such awesome and cleverly designed dungeon/quest thingies in that game but it just got brutalized by the nature of the only people that would put up with those kinda game mechanics long enough (I can do it either way, y'know).
Oh, another thing that really bugs me is the way they only give you five character slots, y'know, I thought we were done with that stupid junk already, I mean, do you wanna make a cult or do you wanna get and retain some customers, you gotta make up yer mind there, "character slots" are how many lives your game has for a lot of people heh.
Plus they got all these game mechanics (like group-only level-dependent content and lower level crafting) that totally don't work if everybody on the server has their five 50th level guys and there ain't no newbs running around, its just totally self-defeating and especially newb-defeating, y'know, I just don't get it.
Mebbe my friend takes too long to get the game and now I don't have no room left to make a guy to hang out with him, yeh?
I mean, I'm guilty of this, I have a really hard time pricing the stuff I wanna sell for real newbs, I feel like I'm getting ripped off, y'know, I don't wanna have to go out and gather ore and shit, I'm gonna make you pay hard if I gotta do that heh.
And all they'd need to do is give people more slots.
You can't even try every class in the game on one server (where all your friends and hard-earned twinking money are) without deleting characters like we got trained to do in SWG, that is just ghetto-bad game design ahaha.
Oops, here I go again, crabbing insteada talking about how great stuff is.
Okay, hmm, let's see, uh, man, Hunters are a really great class, they're the kings of dps and killing stuff quickly in a game where you get powerful for killing stuff, they can teleport instantly pretty much everywhere you'd ever wanna teleport to in a game that otherwise makes you slog through millions of miles of annoying terrain, and even when they do feel like hoofing it, they're the class with the speed buff so they can always run super fast, and if they pick the harvesting tradeskill, which goes great with being able to run faster than everybody else and teleport back and forth to town, they can make their own armor for free and make mad phat money on the side selling extra boiled hides (which you get from killing stuff faster than everybody else) and all the ore and wood you bothered to collect that you don't actually need for anything.
I always thought crafting should be kinda like a quest to build your own junk pioneer style like it was in UO but this is one of those "hardcore auction house" crafting games and not one of those kinda things heh.
They got houses and stuff but it aint all awesome like EQ2 was with that junk, people really oughta pay more attention to that part of EQ2, that's really the only thing that was super strong in that game that holds it all together imho, the fighting monsters was crap and all clunky and stuff and the classes were boring as hell, but the crafting system and the way you could make your house into a shop and stuff was genius (oh the graphics were good, though, but that sorta goes hand-in-hand with everything).
Gawd, how long have I been blabbering, I hope this ain't super huge already.
That monster fighting football team junk is getting really old, I wish people would steal some more bits from UO, where it was "more the merrier" and you could bring Newbs with on the Big Dragon Hunt and let them take their own shwacks at the thing with their Newbie Swords, but I know that "skill increase from use" thing is kinda sucky in its own way unless you do it better than they did it in UO where everybody just ended up macroing their characters aganst polar bears trapped in their houses by a pile of boxes and stuff, that was shit as far as the "fun is in the journey" crapola ahaha.
Where's my These Are the Days of High Adventure, baby?
Hmm hmm hmm lessee.
Okay that's about it, I guess.
I did manage to say a couple good stuffs in there, I uh, think.
Hey man I dunno what's wrong with me I really do like the game I just can't help myself.
Don't even make me get into the way they try to "manipulate" the "populations" of players who woulda wanted to be an Elf by Making Elves Suck Worse Than Humans so that the player will decide to pick to be something they don't really wanna be (its not just limited to that, though, they do the same things with classes) just like Raph Did It, I CANNOT BELIEVE that nobody but me thinks that "Jedi Should Be Rare Shit" isn't TOTALLY FUCKED man ahaha.
Are you trying to entertain people for money or are you working for some crazy ass Higher Purpose where you think that all your players wanna have you try to manipulate 'em like that for their own benefit or something?
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOD OF A TINY LITTLE UNIVERSE LIKE THAT ROCKETSHIP DUDE THAT WENT NUTS IN THAT OLD TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODE WITH THE LITTLE ALIENS?
Sheesh give that shit UP already, man, you guys must REALLY be some SERIOUS NERDS with MASSIVE issues from high school to be doing control freak junk like that, y'know, I mean, yer worse than the dudes that became COPS fer the love of mike man ahaha.
Okay, okay, whew, gotta quit going down all these negative paths, gotta get back to the good stuff, right, deep breaths, ahhhh.
My uncle was a cop and he was a totally cool guy I don't got anything against good cops (especially the awesome Family Guy cops we got in Chicago) but the good cops know exactly who I'm talking about let's face it heh.
Ugh now I'm picking on the police holy shit this is a train wreck of Epic Proportions my shit is on fire and sliding sideways off the rails into a poisonous swamp full of snakes and exploding helicopters ahaha.
Ah well, I tried, y'know, I really did.
Hey at least I din't crab about how purple fruke almost all the frickin' clothes and armor in the game are this time.
Er, sorta.
I'm telling you man, this whole "trying to say nice things" shit sucks some serious ass ahaha.
Urban Blight of the Elves
Not a lot of room for the animals to run around with all these damn Elven Suburbs everywhere heh.
Y'know, its something I never really understood about Elves, they're like, totally fancy-pants and high-faluting, but they're supposed to be nature-hippy people, at like, the same time, I guess.
They seem more like english professors who love to read books about nature than actual nature people, y'know?
The Elf Rules
So I'm an elf, right?
And this dwarf is all like, hey elf, go get a bucket of water and help us put this fire out!
And I'm all like, screw you, dwarf, I'm an elf, and I don't "fetch buckets" of nothing for nobody.
And I 'specially don't "fetch buckets" for no damn dirty dwarf.
I don't care what's on fire.
You fetch the goddam buckets.
Yer closer to the ground, all the "ground work" like "fetching buckets" and stuff is your bag, see?
I'll keep an eye out for enemies, that's my kinda thing, 'cause I got the altitude for it.
Or we can just stand here forever and watch this shit burn, and then we can just keep standing here forever and ever, staring at each other, waiting for a Valar Intervention or something, at least until you get old and die.
And then hopefully I'll be able to find some dwarves left in the world to let 'em know that they need to dig you a hole and bury you proper, 'cause I ain't digging no goddam holes either.
Or you can quit pretending you can out-stubborn an immortal and fetch the goddam bucket already and put this shit out.
And then we can get on with the business of saving this totally f'd up "world of the humans" and whatever-else-we're-supposed-to-be-shooting-with-my-bow.
Dude seriously if the orcs weren't actually "corrupted elves" I wouldn't even be here but I don't think its cool to just leave all the stupid humans fighting "bad elves" while I go for a sailboat ride and start lounging around in my underpants at the Big Resort and all that.
Don't you go looking at me like that or I'll tell the humans how you guys reproduce.
That's right, fetch that bucket of water, ya bushy little beyotch.
And this dwarf is all like, hey elf, go get a bucket of water and help us put this fire out!
And I'm all like, screw you, dwarf, I'm an elf, and I don't "fetch buckets" of nothing for nobody.
And I 'specially don't "fetch buckets" for no damn dirty dwarf.
I don't care what's on fire.
You fetch the goddam buckets.
Yer closer to the ground, all the "ground work" like "fetching buckets" and stuff is your bag, see?
I'll keep an eye out for enemies, that's my kinda thing, 'cause I got the altitude for it.
Or we can just stand here forever and watch this shit burn, and then we can just keep standing here forever and ever, staring at each other, waiting for a Valar Intervention or something, at least until you get old and die.
And then hopefully I'll be able to find some dwarves left in the world to let 'em know that they need to dig you a hole and bury you proper, 'cause I ain't digging no goddam holes either.
Or you can quit pretending you can out-stubborn an immortal and fetch the goddam bucket already and put this shit out.
And then we can get on with the business of saving this totally f'd up "world of the humans" and whatever-else-we're-supposed-to-be-shooting-with-my-bow.
Dude seriously if the orcs weren't actually "corrupted elves" I wouldn't even be here but I don't think its cool to just leave all the stupid humans fighting "bad elves" while I go for a sailboat ride and start lounging around in my underpants at the Big Resort and all that.
Don't you go looking at me like that or I'll tell the humans how you guys reproduce.
That's right, fetch that bucket of water, ya bushy little beyotch.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Rainy Day Stuff
Man I dunno how it is by you guys but we went from being covered in like one foot of freezing bitter cold ice where the high for some of these days was Negative Two to a sudden watery tropical storm heatwave over here where I'm letting the hail and stormwind and thunder blow through through my apartment and I'm almost tempted to turn on the air conditioning.
Its pretty weird man, I'm getting like Spring Fever or something way the hell early and they're issuing tornado warnings totally out of season.
Anyways I been playing a lot of LOTRO and listening to Charlie Rose interviews on Youtube (and some of This American Life stuff, thanks to Janey, although you gotta be able to handle the whole New Yorker jive to do that, and some of 'em are kinda depressing) while I solo so I been in a sort of "consumer" mode funk lately where I don't feel like going to battle with entropy or anything over here.
That always happens when I get into playing a game, y'know, if I don't got the energy left over to do the whole improv thing in a continuous blast while swtiching hats one after another to prove that I'm coming up with it off the top of my head it just doesn't seem as cool to me.
Oh, Robin Williams is always a good Charlie Rose interview, especially if you wanna see the real Charlie Rose laughing his ass off and cracking jokes, but there's Hunter S. Thompson and all sorts of other awesome stuff, you can pretty much type in anybody's name and "Charlie Rose" on the search and come up with something interesting, y'know, that's just how Charlie Rose is, he's like the Old Guy from Turner Classics Movies that's the Wizard of All Movie Knowledge or something heh.
Almost all of 'em have messed up video sync but I don't care about that 'cause I'm just listening while I'm running around in a game.
And the second half of this American Life thing is totally cool if yer a time travel nut (not that the first half isn't kinda awesome too heh).
Its pretty weird man, I'm getting like Spring Fever or something way the hell early and they're issuing tornado warnings totally out of season.
Anyways I been playing a lot of LOTRO and listening to Charlie Rose interviews on Youtube (and some of This American Life stuff, thanks to Janey, although you gotta be able to handle the whole New Yorker jive to do that, and some of 'em are kinda depressing) while I solo so I been in a sort of "consumer" mode funk lately where I don't feel like going to battle with entropy or anything over here.
That always happens when I get into playing a game, y'know, if I don't got the energy left over to do the whole improv thing in a continuous blast while swtiching hats one after another to prove that I'm coming up with it off the top of my head it just doesn't seem as cool to me.
Oh, Robin Williams is always a good Charlie Rose interview, especially if you wanna see the real Charlie Rose laughing his ass off and cracking jokes, but there's Hunter S. Thompson and all sorts of other awesome stuff, you can pretty much type in anybody's name and "Charlie Rose" on the search and come up with something interesting, y'know, that's just how Charlie Rose is, he's like the Old Guy from Turner Classics Movies that's the Wizard of All Movie Knowledge or something heh.
Almost all of 'em have messed up video sync but I don't care about that 'cause I'm just listening while I'm running around in a game.
And the second half of this American Life thing is totally cool if yer a time travel nut (not that the first half isn't kinda awesome too heh).
The Mirror Shows Many Things
I grew up on the mean streets of Budgeford, southwestsiyeede.
Everybody always talkin' 'bout how us hobbits got it good, well, only thing Budgeford is known for is big fat Bolger Bossmen, Pig Farming, and Pig Killing.
Thass right, somebody has gotta bring the old deathbag to all them lil' piggies and turn 'em into somethin' them blasted high-falutin' Gamgees can gnaw on like rats without feelin' guilty, somebody has gotta take ole Dora's Chickens by the neck and shake 'em loose 'fore they land in a pile of beautiful fruit on somme Gammer's table.
And I bet you can juss guess who they get to do it.
Ain't the Bolgers in their big fancy houses upwind of the stink of the pens, thass fer sure.
Its us Penal Colony Hobbits, part of the Shire's Work Release Parole Program for the Ethical Reformation of Failed Burglars.
This is all that blasted Wizard's fault, y'know, with his Old Toby Cartel and his Fire and Brimstone and his fireworks shows and stories 'bout how great us Hobbits is at burlgary, gettin' into our heads when we was all wee lil' Hobbits in our tweens.
Fact is, not all of us Hobbits is so great at burglary.
Some of us just ain't all that sneaky.
Its only the rich Hobbits that're sneaky heh.
Tell you what else, this crap about not wearin' shoes is all good fer them Hobbits what can spend their days frollickin' 'bout like elves in the soft meadows and readin' poem books and ain't gotta muck it up to their nuts in the pigpens and the gristle and gore of the ole slaughterhouse, howjoo like a lil' bit of that 'tween yer toes, yessir, wuzzat ya got danglin' there, a mashed bit of eyeball?
But there's one thing me and my droogs here got goin' fer us.
And that's that we always got each other's backs.
Juss gonna give a shout out to my homies workin' the docks in Stock, 'cause they know what I'm talkin' 'bout, breakin' their backs 'cross the river from those Rich Bucks and all them Brandybuck Tennis Courts and Mansions and what all.
And a shout out to the good swamp folk of Frogmorton, dunno what we'd do without their cheap and nasty-ass moonshine to keep us second class citizens who can't 'ford nuthin' better powered up and cheerful.
One of these days we is gonna have ourselves a lil' revolution baby.
Oh its coming alright, we got us some things in the Works.
Hey, Lotho, try to keep up, my Gammer runs faster than you, you ain't payin' us 'nuff to carry all this and yer fat hobbit ass everywhere.
Frickin' laywers.
Everybody always talkin' 'bout how us hobbits got it good, well, only thing Budgeford is known for is big fat Bolger Bossmen, Pig Farming, and Pig Killing.
Thass right, somebody has gotta bring the old deathbag to all them lil' piggies and turn 'em into somethin' them blasted high-falutin' Gamgees can gnaw on like rats without feelin' guilty, somebody has gotta take ole Dora's Chickens by the neck and shake 'em loose 'fore they land in a pile of beautiful fruit on somme Gammer's table.
And I bet you can juss guess who they get to do it.
Ain't the Bolgers in their big fancy houses upwind of the stink of the pens, thass fer sure.
Its us Penal Colony Hobbits, part of the Shire's Work Release Parole Program for the Ethical Reformation of Failed Burglars.
This is all that blasted Wizard's fault, y'know, with his Old Toby Cartel and his Fire and Brimstone and his fireworks shows and stories 'bout how great us Hobbits is at burlgary, gettin' into our heads when we was all wee lil' Hobbits in our tweens.
Fact is, not all of us Hobbits is so great at burglary.
Some of us just ain't all that sneaky.
Its only the rich Hobbits that're sneaky heh.
Tell you what else, this crap about not wearin' shoes is all good fer them Hobbits what can spend their days frollickin' 'bout like elves in the soft meadows and readin' poem books and ain't gotta muck it up to their nuts in the pigpens and the gristle and gore of the ole slaughterhouse, howjoo like a lil' bit of that 'tween yer toes, yessir, wuzzat ya got danglin' there, a mashed bit of eyeball?
But there's one thing me and my droogs here got goin' fer us.
And that's that we always got each other's backs.
Juss gonna give a shout out to my homies workin' the docks in Stock, 'cause they know what I'm talkin' 'bout, breakin' their backs 'cross the river from those Rich Bucks and all them Brandybuck Tennis Courts and Mansions and what all.
And a shout out to the good swamp folk of Frogmorton, dunno what we'd do without their cheap and nasty-ass moonshine to keep us second class citizens who can't 'ford nuthin' better powered up and cheerful.
One of these days we is gonna have ourselves a lil' revolution baby.
Oh its coming alright, we got us some things in the Works.
Hey, Lotho, try to keep up, my Gammer runs faster than you, you ain't payin' us 'nuff to carry all this and yer fat hobbit ass everywhere.
Frickin' laywers.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Lord of the Hillbillies
Galadriel is the daughter of the half-brother of Feanor, the Ultimate Warrior of the Elves, the guy who made the Silmarils and sailed away from that elven heaven place (Valinor) with a bunch of his brothers and kids (and his uh... half-niece Galadriel, I guess) to kick the ass of Morgoth, who was the "evil" god of the Lord of the Rings world that got banished from screwing around with the planet at the end of the First Age (the Lord of the Rings story is all about the end of the Third Age).
Galadriel and Feanor and all them were all born in that Elven Heaven place (Valinor), and not in the Middle Earth everybody knows about from the Lord of the Rings stories (which they called Aman, but y'know how Tolkien likes to give everything six names).
That's why Galadriel is so cool with the oogly woogly hypno-eyes and everythang in the movies, she's actually an elf that's older than the current formation of the continents in Middle Earth, (two times over, I think), and she was born in Elven Heaven heh.
Anyways Galadriel also happens to be Elrond's Mother-in-Law.
Yep, see, Elrond married Galadriel's daughter Celebrian, who ditched out on Elrond and sailed back to the Valinor and left Elrond to take care of their kid Arwen.
And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.
Seriously, that's why Elrond watches over the line of Isildur, those are Elrond's brother Elros's kids, Isildur and Aragorn and all them are Elrond's great great (blah blah blah) grand nephews.
And that's also why Elrond watches over the shards of Narsil and all that.
Half-elves (like Elrond) have to decide whether they want to "sail to the west" or die like a mortal and go where mortals go when mortals die, and Elrond chose the Immortal Elf Way, and his brother chose the mortal thingie, and Aragorn is a descendent of Elrond's brother, who started the Human Line of Kings, even though he was only half human.
Actually Elrond and his brother weren't just "regular" half-human and half-elven guys, though.
Elrond and his bro were descendents of Thingol (another super powered elf like Feanor) and Melien (one of them Maia Handservants of the Valar God-type thingies, a Forest Spirit that's basically the same thing that Sauron is, except not all evil and junk).
Sauron was just the butler of that Morgoth guy, and he took up the Bad Guy gig in the Second and Third Age when Morgoth got the boot at the end of the First Age.
So anyways Elrond is sorta part-elf, part-man, and part-little-god-like-Sauron-is.
And so is Aragorn, although he's a lot more human than Elrond, 'cause most of his ancestors were human.
But that weird blood is why Aragorn lived so long.
And some of the dudes of Gondor (who are a mix of Aragorn's guys and regular humans) got that three-way blood in 'em too, y'know, 'cause not everybody in the line of kings became a king and the king's sister had kids and stuff.
And I'm pretty sure Boromir and Faramir are a couple of them.
So that would mean that nobody in the Fellowship of the Ring was actually one hundred percent human heh.
And Arwen is Elrond's daughter, right?
And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.
So they're actually some kinda kissing cousins, then, ain't they?
Uh huh.
*plucks banjo*
Galadriel is actually pretty closely related to her husband Celeborn, too, in more than way, I think, and Celeborn is a kinsman of Elrond's dad, which means Elrond and his wife were related to each other on both sides of their family too, and so they're all like "I'm my own cousin, my own stepson, and my own uncle" and stuff heh.
Frickin' elves ahaha.
And the dwarves ain't no better with the inbreeding, man, they're all actually the descendents of seven little toy golems made out of clay who must've been able to reproduce homosexually for there to be more than seven of 'em heh.
I don't think inbreeding really "counts" with robots, though, y'know?
Still, this ain't as bad as Star Wars, where the three human women in the story are Luke's Grandmother, Luke's Mother, and Luke's Sister, I mean, that guy musta been hurting, man, its no wonder he had all that energy and could lift shit with his mind and stuff heh.
Galadriel and Feanor and all them were all born in that Elven Heaven place (Valinor), and not in the Middle Earth everybody knows about from the Lord of the Rings stories (which they called Aman, but y'know how Tolkien likes to give everything six names).
That's why Galadriel is so cool with the oogly woogly hypno-eyes and everythang in the movies, she's actually an elf that's older than the current formation of the continents in Middle Earth, (two times over, I think), and she was born in Elven Heaven heh.
Anyways Galadriel also happens to be Elrond's Mother-in-Law.
Yep, see, Elrond married Galadriel's daughter Celebrian, who ditched out on Elrond and sailed back to the Valinor and left Elrond to take care of their kid Arwen.
And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.
Seriously, that's why Elrond watches over the line of Isildur, those are Elrond's brother Elros's kids, Isildur and Aragorn and all them are Elrond's great great (blah blah blah) grand nephews.
And that's also why Elrond watches over the shards of Narsil and all that.
Half-elves (like Elrond) have to decide whether they want to "sail to the west" or die like a mortal and go where mortals go when mortals die, and Elrond chose the Immortal Elf Way, and his brother chose the mortal thingie, and Aragorn is a descendent of Elrond's brother, who started the Human Line of Kings, even though he was only half human.
Actually Elrond and his brother weren't just "regular" half-human and half-elven guys, though.
Elrond and his bro were descendents of Thingol (another super powered elf like Feanor) and Melien (one of them Maia Handservants of the Valar God-type thingies, a Forest Spirit that's basically the same thing that Sauron is, except not all evil and junk).
Sauron was just the butler of that Morgoth guy, and he took up the Bad Guy gig in the Second and Third Age when Morgoth got the boot at the end of the First Age.
So anyways Elrond is sorta part-elf, part-man, and part-little-god-like-Sauron-is.
And so is Aragorn, although he's a lot more human than Elrond, 'cause most of his ancestors were human.
But that weird blood is why Aragorn lived so long.
And some of the dudes of Gondor (who are a mix of Aragorn's guys and regular humans) got that three-way blood in 'em too, y'know, 'cause not everybody in the line of kings became a king and the king's sister had kids and stuff.
And I'm pretty sure Boromir and Faramir are a couple of them.
So that would mean that nobody in the Fellowship of the Ring was actually one hundred percent human heh.
And Arwen is Elrond's daughter, right?
And Aragorn is Elrond's great great great great great grand nephew.
So they're actually some kinda kissing cousins, then, ain't they?
Uh huh.
*plucks banjo*
Galadriel is actually pretty closely related to her husband Celeborn, too, in more than way, I think, and Celeborn is a kinsman of Elrond's dad, which means Elrond and his wife were related to each other on both sides of their family too, and so they're all like "I'm my own cousin, my own stepson, and my own uncle" and stuff heh.
Frickin' elves ahaha.
And the dwarves ain't no better with the inbreeding, man, they're all actually the descendents of seven little toy golems made out of clay who must've been able to reproduce homosexually for there to be more than seven of 'em heh.
I don't think inbreeding really "counts" with robots, though, y'know?
Still, this ain't as bad as Star Wars, where the three human women in the story are Luke's Grandmother, Luke's Mother, and Luke's Sister, I mean, that guy musta been hurting, man, its no wonder he had all that energy and could lift shit with his mind and stuff heh.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
My Flaming Anors
I swear, playing the Lord of the Rings Online just makes me appreciate what a great Lord of the Rings game the Last Days Mod for Mount & Blade was.
In that game, I started out as a dude from Rohan with a helmet with a Horse-hair Plume, and I rode around the Riddermark making a name for myself with forty of my Rohirrim cousins, and I led huge ass thundering mounted charges into piles of Saruman's Orcs that were truly awesome.
And then, later on, I rode down to Gondor and saved all their Gondorian asses.
Or I could start as a stalwart defender of Gondor and deal with the never-ending punishment of Mordor crossing the river by Osgiliath and the Corsairs and all them, and then march up to the Mark and rescue the Riders of Rohan.
Or a Mirkwood Elf and mess around with that Moria and Dol Guldur crap going on over there or whatever.
They didn't have Lothlorien in that thing but there were some elves that were sorta like that.
Anyways even if you couldn't just steal the way they did their thing and make it into a minimumly multiplayer game (that's what all MMOs really are when it comes down it, how many times do you actually see four hundred players assembled together in one place, y'know?) The Lord of the Rings Online really shoulda stole more of the shit from WoW that WoW stole from EQ.
And less from DDO, what with that f'd up group content shit that I just skip heh.
Did the guy who did the game mechanics really think DDO had pulled one over on WoW's design there?
Goddam man everybody must be too intimidated by him to straighten his ass out or something heh.
The Shire is really good in LOTRO though.
But Bree?
C'mon.
Who the hell wants to be some loser from Crummy Ass Bree?
Bree was a crummy place in the books man heh.
Where are the Rohan Horsehair Helmets already?
Why am I a Wizard-Who-Isn't-A-Wizard wearing a Jester's Hat and Shoulder Pads and why do I have a pet Lynx?
I don't know!
Ah, sorry, I had to get that out of me.
Well I ain't doing any of this for you.
And I don't have to be "fair" or anything either so don't even gimme any of that crud.
There's just this part of my brain saying "dude, I can't imagine any drunk or small child having a hard time coming up with a Lord of the Rings Online Game Design that wouldn't beat the shit out of this thing" heh.
And there's another part of me that says I should rescue the guys that made the Shire from that team of people who gave me the purple tights when I was a newb and didn't do the work they needed to do to get the music from the movies and shit ahaha.
I mean, that really bugs me, when there's shit that's really good and true getting messed up by some other guy's shit AHAHA.
Okay, okay, I'm done.
I just can't help doing what Groo does best sometimes y'know heh.
I suspect they designed LOTRO the way they did so they could add Rohan as a starter area like a "new race" in an expansion.
Same with Gondor and Lothlorien and Mirkwood.
So that's like four expansions right there man heh.
And they wanted to do all the storyline stuff following the hobbits and junk, and the storyline quests in the game are really cool and clever, if you can get some people to help you do 'em, 'cause they're all group shit.
But I still think it would've been better to let people start out all over the place, even if you couldn't finish the whole map and have Mordor and Moria and all that.
'Cause if a game starts good, folks will wait for the rest of it.
Y'know, like, let me level up my Rohan guy to Fifty in the Riddermark, and then sick the Isengard and Mordor and Moria expansions on me or something.
But if they gotta be some jagbag from Bree, and suffer through all this DDO grouping garbage, and wait for you to release some Rohan Expansion that might never happen with some awesome mounted combat that your game doesn't seem designed for (you gotta wait 'till yer level 35 to get a horse, y'know? playing a dude from Rohan without a horse is exactly like playing a game about jedi where you can't jump) then they might not stick around.
Especially if they're like me and they're sorta calculating how long its gonna take to get all the expansions to get to goddam Mordor holy shit man I'll be a mummy in a museum before that happens at this rate heh.
Its kinda like page seven hundred and thirteen of a book that you quit reading 'cause the first few sentences of page one really sucked and took forever to get through ahaha.
Okay, okay, its not that bad.
But the clothes are really terrible man seriously.
And most of the guys I see playing the game are dudes with the gear from a lifetime subscription who are too tired of the game to keep the auction house stocked with more than four items y'know and I don't blame 'em 'cause you made all the shit way too much of a pain in the ass to do more than once heh.
The least you could do to fix stuff is give everybody a couple more character slots so that folks could have one of each kinda guy on a server.
That would jiggle some of the wires that are getting broke, y'know?
If you can't afford to do your own homework, and yer gonna keep making these damn things over and over again, then just copy more shit from WoW and less from all the other games.
That's all I'm saying heh.
Man I need to go listen to some Enya now and cool off or something ahaha.
Seriously, think about how awesome a game would be with this kinda music.
Or this.
Or this.
Or this.
Or this.
To say nothing of how the Lord of the Rings IP is like the grandaddy of everything that ain't been stolen from Conan or Elric, or all three, I mean, there's like almost no point in even pretending that yer making anything else unless yer doing something totally different than D&D and UO and EQ and WoW and Warhammer and all them, like some kinda historical thingie or something with no magic and no elves and no orcs or something heh.
And you ain't gonna do it better than the guys that did the movies or Tolkien did it, man, so just get that stupid idea right out of yer goddam head ahaha.
In that game, I started out as a dude from Rohan with a helmet with a Horse-hair Plume, and I rode around the Riddermark making a name for myself with forty of my Rohirrim cousins, and I led huge ass thundering mounted charges into piles of Saruman's Orcs that were truly awesome.
And then, later on, I rode down to Gondor and saved all their Gondorian asses.
Or I could start as a stalwart defender of Gondor and deal with the never-ending punishment of Mordor crossing the river by Osgiliath and the Corsairs and all them, and then march up to the Mark and rescue the Riders of Rohan.
Or a Mirkwood Elf and mess around with that Moria and Dol Guldur crap going on over there or whatever.
They didn't have Lothlorien in that thing but there were some elves that were sorta like that.
Anyways even if you couldn't just steal the way they did their thing and make it into a minimumly multiplayer game (that's what all MMOs really are when it comes down it, how many times do you actually see four hundred players assembled together in one place, y'know?) The Lord of the Rings Online really shoulda stole more of the shit from WoW that WoW stole from EQ.
And less from DDO, what with that f'd up group content shit that I just skip heh.
Did the guy who did the game mechanics really think DDO had pulled one over on WoW's design there?
Goddam man everybody must be too intimidated by him to straighten his ass out or something heh.
The Shire is really good in LOTRO though.
But Bree?
C'mon.
Who the hell wants to be some loser from Crummy Ass Bree?
Bree was a crummy place in the books man heh.
Where are the Rohan Horsehair Helmets already?
Why am I a Wizard-Who-Isn't-A-Wizard wearing a Jester's Hat and Shoulder Pads and why do I have a pet Lynx?
I don't know!
Ah, sorry, I had to get that out of me.
Well I ain't doing any of this for you.
And I don't have to be "fair" or anything either so don't even gimme any of that crud.
There's just this part of my brain saying "dude, I can't imagine any drunk or small child having a hard time coming up with a Lord of the Rings Online Game Design that wouldn't beat the shit out of this thing" heh.
And there's another part of me that says I should rescue the guys that made the Shire from that team of people who gave me the purple tights when I was a newb and didn't do the work they needed to do to get the music from the movies and shit ahaha.
I mean, that really bugs me, when there's shit that's really good and true getting messed up by some other guy's shit AHAHA.
Okay, okay, I'm done.
I just can't help doing what Groo does best sometimes y'know heh.
I suspect they designed LOTRO the way they did so they could add Rohan as a starter area like a "new race" in an expansion.
Same with Gondor and Lothlorien and Mirkwood.
So that's like four expansions right there man heh.
And they wanted to do all the storyline stuff following the hobbits and junk, and the storyline quests in the game are really cool and clever, if you can get some people to help you do 'em, 'cause they're all group shit.
But I still think it would've been better to let people start out all over the place, even if you couldn't finish the whole map and have Mordor and Moria and all that.
'Cause if a game starts good, folks will wait for the rest of it.
Y'know, like, let me level up my Rohan guy to Fifty in the Riddermark, and then sick the Isengard and Mordor and Moria expansions on me or something.
But if they gotta be some jagbag from Bree, and suffer through all this DDO grouping garbage, and wait for you to release some Rohan Expansion that might never happen with some awesome mounted combat that your game doesn't seem designed for (you gotta wait 'till yer level 35 to get a horse, y'know? playing a dude from Rohan without a horse is exactly like playing a game about jedi where you can't jump) then they might not stick around.
Especially if they're like me and they're sorta calculating how long its gonna take to get all the expansions to get to goddam Mordor holy shit man I'll be a mummy in a museum before that happens at this rate heh.
Its kinda like page seven hundred and thirteen of a book that you quit reading 'cause the first few sentences of page one really sucked and took forever to get through ahaha.
Okay, okay, its not that bad.
But the clothes are really terrible man seriously.
And most of the guys I see playing the game are dudes with the gear from a lifetime subscription who are too tired of the game to keep the auction house stocked with more than four items y'know and I don't blame 'em 'cause you made all the shit way too much of a pain in the ass to do more than once heh.
The least you could do to fix stuff is give everybody a couple more character slots so that folks could have one of each kinda guy on a server.
That would jiggle some of the wires that are getting broke, y'know?
If you can't afford to do your own homework, and yer gonna keep making these damn things over and over again, then just copy more shit from WoW and less from all the other games.
That's all I'm saying heh.
Man I need to go listen to some Enya now and cool off or something ahaha.
Seriously, think about how awesome a game would be with this kinda music.
Or this.
Or this.
Or this.
Or this.
To say nothing of how the Lord of the Rings IP is like the grandaddy of everything that ain't been stolen from Conan or Elric, or all three, I mean, there's like almost no point in even pretending that yer making anything else unless yer doing something totally different than D&D and UO and EQ and WoW and Warhammer and all them, like some kinda historical thingie or something with no magic and no elves and no orcs or something heh.
And you ain't gonna do it better than the guys that did the movies or Tolkien did it, man, so just get that stupid idea right out of yer goddam head ahaha.
Space Hogs
I'm gonna make me a kickass Galactus-Class space-motorcycle by suspending a seat between two stars.
It'll be all flaming and awesome like a Power Cosmic version of the Ghostrider's Bike with sweet ass ground effects.
And don't gimme that "there's no ground in space" jazz, there's plenny of ground in space, man.
I can light up half a planet's worth of "ground in space" and turn night to day and melt ice-caps and make plants grow as I whip around the solar neighborhood on my Power Cosmic Crotch Rocket.
And talk about monster truck wheels, man, I could ride around and roll over all the little midgets who were using those stupid little fuel-efficient planets and moons for their five-billion seat Space-Unicycles and crunch their boney little cracker-asses.
Or I could just catch them pitiful losers up in the gigantic-ass gravity field of my monstrous tires and drag 'em behind me like my own personal solar system slash convoy slash entourage type thingie so I got somebody to clap for me when I do awesome stunts like solar wheelies and shit.
Yah?
Well they better fucking clap, man.
It will really take a lot of strength to turn the wheel but I can ring the little cha-ching cha-ching thingie on the handlebars all I want, that's easy.
Can't hear it though 'cause its in outerspace and its like a silent movie out there, man, that really sucks, y'know, its just all creepy and quiet, somebody should fix that shit.
I'm gonna need to trick it out with synchronized dual hydrogen subwoofer star lift pumps to get my Star Tires to pulsate to a nice two-stroke beat so I can rattle everybody's windows and let out jets of solar flames as I throttle about the galaxy cruising for the daisy dukes that'd be awesome awhellyah.
Only thing that sucks is that you pretty much gotta wear a helmet y'know?
So nobody will know its me burning up the Cellestial Strip on my kickass one-man flaming binary star-system monster truck space hog, I'll just be "some guy with a helmet" tooling around, that bites.
Plus helmets fuck up yer hair and shit, gives you "helmet head."
And getting off the bike is kinda tricky too.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Spread Out
Y'know what bugs me about other mmo players?
There could be a humongous area to hunt in, but they almost always follow you around and crowd you no matter how hard you try to get away from 'em.
They're like that Heya guy from Baldur's Gate heh.
I guess they do it for that safety in numbers thing or they're chicken shit little kids or something 'cause if I'm hanging out in a dangerous place its like ten times worse.
So I try to be nice about it and put up with it but it drives me frickin' crazy, yknow?
'Cause that way they're all crampin' up on me not only makes it more dangerous for me 'cause they might mess crap up (especially when half my stuff is AOEs) but it makes it take longer for me to kill whatever the hell I gotta kill to get out of there heh.
People do the same thing in real life, y'know, like when some runt is constantly setting off your spider senses 'cause they're standing too close without realizing it, like they're getting ready to grab on to your clothes or something like a little kid (that same horrid panic instinct is the reason lifeguards have to be ready to knock people out before they can drag 'em back to shore).
I guess that's some kinda "flight" instinct for baby monkeys or some shit, where they cling to their mommas 'cause they can't run fast on their own.
Thing is, if I decide to pick fight insteada flight, you grabbing on to my clothes is gonna put a serious damper on my kungfu.
And then there's the dudes that are always hanging around in your blind spot like some dimwit that's just barely sentient and doesn't realize that if he surprises you with some loud noise in your ear or something your body might just go off on automatic like a bear trap and smash half the adult teeth out of his head before you are even conscious of what's going on heh.
I suppose they do that 'cause they wanna use your body for a human shield or some shit, which ain't the kinda thing that's gonna make me stop kicking your ass any sooner ahaha.
So I say the same thing I say to folks in real life, spread out, don't be all humpin' up on me with that shit of yers.
Mmm that reminds me of Big Ed's Grenade thingie heh.
Originally that Grenade thing just reminded me of the gag country folks do where they yell out "hey look a deer!" to see how many city people are in a crowd, y'know, 'cause they're the only ones that would think a deer is interesting enough to turn your head for ahaha.
There could be a humongous area to hunt in, but they almost always follow you around and crowd you no matter how hard you try to get away from 'em.
They're like that Heya guy from Baldur's Gate heh.
I guess they do it for that safety in numbers thing or they're chicken shit little kids or something 'cause if I'm hanging out in a dangerous place its like ten times worse.
So I try to be nice about it and put up with it but it drives me frickin' crazy, yknow?
'Cause that way they're all crampin' up on me not only makes it more dangerous for me 'cause they might mess crap up (especially when half my stuff is AOEs) but it makes it take longer for me to kill whatever the hell I gotta kill to get out of there heh.
People do the same thing in real life, y'know, like when some runt is constantly setting off your spider senses 'cause they're standing too close without realizing it, like they're getting ready to grab on to your clothes or something like a little kid (that same horrid panic instinct is the reason lifeguards have to be ready to knock people out before they can drag 'em back to shore).
I guess that's some kinda "flight" instinct for baby monkeys or some shit, where they cling to their mommas 'cause they can't run fast on their own.
Thing is, if I decide to pick fight insteada flight, you grabbing on to my clothes is gonna put a serious damper on my kungfu.
And then there's the dudes that are always hanging around in your blind spot like some dimwit that's just barely sentient and doesn't realize that if he surprises you with some loud noise in your ear or something your body might just go off on automatic like a bear trap and smash half the adult teeth out of his head before you are even conscious of what's going on heh.
I suppose they do that 'cause they wanna use your body for a human shield or some shit, which ain't the kinda thing that's gonna make me stop kicking your ass any sooner ahaha.
So I say the same thing I say to folks in real life, spread out, don't be all humpin' up on me with that shit of yers.
Mmm that reminds me of Big Ed's Grenade thingie heh.
Originally that Grenade thing just reminded me of the gag country folks do where they yell out "hey look a deer!" to see how many city people are in a crowd, y'know, 'cause they're the only ones that would think a deer is interesting enough to turn your head for ahaha.
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