The Elevator Effect

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When trapped in an elevator with an ugly woman, there's a tendency for the ugly woman to get less ugly.

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I dunno why that is, its kinda like cabin fever and beer goggles, some kinda minor death-panic thingie that stirs our instincts to continue the species or something, mebbe.

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And there are ugly women who are smart enough to know about the Elevator Effect, and these women will stop at nothing to lure their unsuspecting prey into broken elevators and other assorted dark and lonely corners of the world, so be careful out there.

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On the other hand, there are women that are just so damn ugly that not even the elevator effect can help them.

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Well, yah, see, some people look good in a certain light, but other people don't look good no matter what kinda light ya shine on 'em, y'know?

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That's why we say its weird that they look good sometimes, 'cause most people who don't look good don't look good sometimes.

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Yah, like Thelma here at the science research station outpost.

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Yah, Thelma, with her waxy skin, and her fish-like creepy no-chin, with her big octopus teeth all sharp, and her banana-tits, and her flat-tire waffle butt, and her big feet.

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Yah, Thelma, with her hairy upper lip and hairy arms, and her rat-flap nose, she always looks like she's struggling to breathe, and she's got these big brown eye sockets fulla veins, and creepy painted-on eyebrows that're all crooked.

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Oh man, I've been talking out loud to myself again.

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Hey, now, Thelma, take it easy, I was just kiddin' y'know, c'mon now, just put that thing down, uh, baby, there's no need to get all nasty.

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Hmm, now that I think about it, she is kinda sexy when she's angry.