Saturday Nights Alright

So this flying saucer landed in the back yard and a big ole beam of white light came shining down outta their spaceship and lit the whole place up and a buncha these big headed skinny little aliens stepped out.

And all-a-sudden the crickets started chirping like crazy and trees started rustling and these flies and bugs and snakes and squirrels came out of nowhere and started swarming around and a-biting on them aliens and the aliens started sneezing and then my dog started going crazy and attacking the poor things and tearing 'em up and I hardly had time to finish sayin' "ho-lee sheeit" before they was all dead and gone.

Wasn't even any bones left.

There was nothing I could do it all happened so fast and it was all so crazy looking, and then the spaceship sped away and everything just went back to normal, I think even the plants were grabbing on to their legs and stuff, I never seen nothing like it before.

Was sorta like the whole animal kingdom rose up on its double helix and whupped some alien ass.

Anyways I think its kinda weird and a little scary that we're so into looking for alien life out there, y'know?

'Cause sure seems like we ain't interested in finding happy little green photosynthetic boogers and self-sufficient microbes that are minding their own business and not bothering nobody and stuff, we wanna find ourselves some complex organisms, y'know, things like us, and that means we're actually looking for predators with big ole calorie-consuming brains.

And we sure don't seem to be too worried that they're gonna be able to put up much of a fight when we start pushing 'em around neither.

We're like a bunch of drunken hillbillies in one of them dangerous let-me-attem moods or something heh.

Guess that's just the branch of the family tree we're from talking, y'know, top-of-the-food-chain is prolly hard-wired to be at least a little fearless and stupid, since everything else is sorta vestigial at this point, carnivorous apes will be carnivorous apes and all that.

But then again, we usually think the woods is a peaceful and serene place, like that fool Walden, when actually all the plants and trees and everyting else is just endlessly strangling and poisoning and chewing and burning each other to death over resources silently and in slow motion.

See, this is why Stevie gets all upset with you idjits.