Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Nailgun Monkey Online Fan Fiction
I tried to do a Madlib kinda thingie that made fun of the standard roleplaying background story with images from google for everything.
But it was just way too cheesy and easy to do, even for me, y'know, all those "...if it wasn't for a kind-hearted sadomasochistic robot belonging to a tribe of wandering agoraphobics who took pity on me..." jokes, that kinda crap just gives me the creeps after while, its too logical to be funny or something, its like, any old comedy robot could do that shit, why am I getting stuck messing with this stuff?
Even when I did trick stuff like "...who instructed me in the ancient art of ancient arts..." which is a tiny bit funnier than "...the ancient art of postmodern art..." or the totally random "...ancient art of height adjustable suspension installation and maintenance..."it just wasn't funny to me.
Dude, Madlibs suck, I think.
Seriously, I'm pretty sure its not me that sucks, its the Madlibs, its just like, a stupid kinda joke on a structural level or something, you gotta be a real dummass not to see those coming from a mile away.
Plus I was kinda shocked to find all the good stuff like "sadomasochistic robots" is still too advanced in this timeline for there to be any good google pictures for it, y'know, like, pictures that actually make it funnier, and not just like, not funnier, or whatever, 'cause its just a picture of a plain ole robot, and not a funny picture of a sadomasochistic robot, 'cause they don't even have non-funny pictures of sadomasochistic robots.
Y'know, yet.
The picture has to make it funnier or there's no sense in making people click and waste bandwidth on the damn thing, y'know?
Meanwhile its almost impossible to find a variation of "bitchkiller" that isn't taken as some kinda username for something already on google (sorry Bitchkiller, no offense, man, I mean, I wish I woulda beat you to that one, that's a good one ahaha).
Dude somebody even has "bitchsniper."
That's not a good one, though, that's the kinda thing you end up with when all the good "bitchmaster" ones are already taken.
There's no "bitchstranglers" yet but jeesh man that's even worse than "bitchsniper," y'know, when you gotta go that far for a gag its like, starting to not be so funny anymore, you might as well switch to an entirely different framework like Donkey Dicks or something heh.
I thought Donkey Dick Armstrong might be a good name for my Nailgun Monkey but there was actually a guy named Dick Armstrong.
Who was a famous radiologist or something with a Memorial which really started to make it not so funny to have a Nailgun Monkey named Donkey Dick Armstrong anymore, y'know?
I mean, if the guy was still alive so he could fight back and he wasn't a Father of Science or something I would totally be okay with it y'know?
But I might have to go and put flowers on the guy's grave or something someday for the way his contribution to science saved the life of somebody I know or something and I don't want that Donkey Dick Armstrong Nailgun Monkey shit hanging over my head and making his ghost follow me around.
'Cause even if he mighta been a guy that had a great sense of humor while he was alive he prolly woulda been pretty fucking sick of the Dick Armstrong jokes already heh.
But even if there wasn't a guy named Dick Armstrong somebody quicker than me like that Bitchkiller guy woulda grabbed that one up, 'cause goddammit that's a good one ahaha.
But I did find this picture I really liked for "...and I would have died of a massive drama overdose if it wasn't for..." so I'm gonna post that.
I know its bad internet etiquette to do pictures like that but you gotta sorta do it that way to do a google madlib thingie right, y'know?
Well, whatever man, I'm not gonna waste no more of my time talking about it, it ain't funny, I'm sure the world will get over it in the Grand Scheme of Things eventually ahaha.
But it was just way too cheesy and easy to do, even for me, y'know, all those "...if it wasn't for a kind-hearted sadomasochistic robot belonging to a tribe of wandering agoraphobics who took pity on me..." jokes, that kinda crap just gives me the creeps after while, its too logical to be funny or something, its like, any old comedy robot could do that shit, why am I getting stuck messing with this stuff?
Even when I did trick stuff like "...who instructed me in the ancient art of ancient arts..." which is a tiny bit funnier than "...the ancient art of postmodern art..." or the totally random "...ancient art of height adjustable suspension installation and maintenance..."it just wasn't funny to me.
Dude, Madlibs suck, I think.
Seriously, I'm pretty sure its not me that sucks, its the Madlibs, its just like, a stupid kinda joke on a structural level or something, you gotta be a real dummass not to see those coming from a mile away.
Plus I was kinda shocked to find all the good stuff like "sadomasochistic robots" is still too advanced in this timeline for there to be any good google pictures for it, y'know, like, pictures that actually make it funnier, and not just like, not funnier, or whatever, 'cause its just a picture of a plain ole robot, and not a funny picture of a sadomasochistic robot, 'cause they don't even have non-funny pictures of sadomasochistic robots.
Y'know, yet.
The picture has to make it funnier or there's no sense in making people click and waste bandwidth on the damn thing, y'know?
Meanwhile its almost impossible to find a variation of "bitchkiller" that isn't taken as some kinda username for something already on google (sorry Bitchkiller, no offense, man, I mean, I wish I woulda beat you to that one, that's a good one ahaha).
Dude somebody even has "bitchsniper."
That's not a good one, though, that's the kinda thing you end up with when all the good "bitchmaster" ones are already taken.
There's no "bitchstranglers" yet but jeesh man that's even worse than "bitchsniper," y'know, when you gotta go that far for a gag its like, starting to not be so funny anymore, you might as well switch to an entirely different framework like Donkey Dicks or something heh.
I thought Donkey Dick Armstrong might be a good name for my Nailgun Monkey but there was actually a guy named Dick Armstrong.
Who was a famous radiologist or something with a Memorial which really started to make it not so funny to have a Nailgun Monkey named Donkey Dick Armstrong anymore, y'know?
I mean, if the guy was still alive so he could fight back and he wasn't a Father of Science or something I would totally be okay with it y'know?
But I might have to go and put flowers on the guy's grave or something someday for the way his contribution to science saved the life of somebody I know or something and I don't want that Donkey Dick Armstrong Nailgun Monkey shit hanging over my head and making his ghost follow me around.
'Cause even if he mighta been a guy that had a great sense of humor while he was alive he prolly woulda been pretty fucking sick of the Dick Armstrong jokes already heh.
But even if there wasn't a guy named Dick Armstrong somebody quicker than me like that Bitchkiller guy woulda grabbed that one up, 'cause goddammit that's a good one ahaha.
But I did find this picture I really liked for "...and I would have died of a massive drama overdose if it wasn't for..." so I'm gonna post that.
I know its bad internet etiquette to do pictures like that but you gotta sorta do it that way to do a google madlib thingie right, y'know?
Well, whatever man, I'm not gonna waste no more of my time talking about it, it ain't funny, I'm sure the world will get over it in the Grand Scheme of Things eventually ahaha.
Multiversal
Y'all know how a Parallel Universe is created everytime something could've happened a different way, right?
But what you don't usually think about is the way that a Parallel Universe is created everytime you could've just thought something different.
Like the way that some Parallel Universe versions of you don't see what's so funny about that last sentence.
Or how its funny for me to keep making you go back and think about that sentence heh.
And in some Parallel Universes there's even some versions of you who are upset with me for insulting their intelligence or something, whether they get what's so funny about that sentence or not ahaha.
Anyways thought is physical, its juices and electricity squirting up and down different paths in your brain, and it could've squirted around different, and it woulda resulted in totally different thoughts and pictures and whatever.
You may or may not have learned something new already.
Or you mighta forgot something that you didn't forget in a different Parallel Universe.
Or you mighta remembered something wrong, and that might change your whole timeline, if you ever get called upon to use that misremembered information for something important.
There's a separate Parallel Universe for every single thing that every single creature with a brain mighta thought different.
Which is why there's so many Evil Twins out there.
And why your wife shouldn't be so upset when you forget your anniversary or something, 'cause some of your Parallel Universe selves had to forget your anniversary, its a Law of Science heh.
And because we can communicate, all those different Parallel Universes with all those different brains thinking different and interacting contain totally different worlds of thought.
And some guys that get eaten by a bear in one Universe don't get eaten by a bear in another and so they (and the kids that they may or may not have had, due to the way that they may or may not have been "eaten by a bear," those are all out there, too, y'know, both options) would've contributed stuff that doesn't get contributed to the world of thought in another Parallel Universe where they do get eaten by a bear.
Plus the bear might've thought that the guy that he ate was tasty, or not tasty, and that'd make even more Parallel Universes pop up.
Seriously, some of the Parallel Universes are dependent on whether a bear thinks you are tasty or not, and even if the bear don't end up doing anything different physically with that opinion, he's still a different bear, and he may or may not continue to eat more people in the future, depending on how tasty he thought they were, and then those people (and all the kids that they may or may not have) may or may not keep contributing different ideas to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes in which they may or may not be alive.
Plus, when the bear poops the guy out, he might be helping some flowers grow by ferilizing 'em, flowers that wouldn't have grown if the bear hadn't digested the guy and pooped him out in that specific spot ('cause the bear had to decide where he felt like pooping, and he might've decided different, so there's all those different Parallel Universes too), and those flowers may or may not end up being visited by a bee, and then the bee may or may not think that the nectar in the flower is tasty, and the bee might end up stinging somebody that's allergic to bees and killing 'em 'cause they're so pissed off, and so then that guy may or may not have a chance to be eaten and pooped out by a bear that decided that people are tasty after he ate the first guy.
And the second guy he ate (and all the kids he may or may not have had) may or may not be allowed to continue to contribute to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes that he existed in.
And so you may or may not think that I'm just being funny, depending on whether or not you've ever been attacked by a bear or bee in this Parallel Universe or something, but everything has to happen somewhere, unfortunately, 'cause its a Law of Science, y'know.
And every time I'm funny and I make you laugh, there's a Parallel Universe version of me who gets assigned to not being funny, through no fault of his own.
And that Parallel Universe version of me ends up making everybody more and more miserable in his Parallel Universe, 'cause his jokes suck.
Although, there is a Parallel Universe where that unfunny Parallel Universe version of me, no matter how bad his jokes suck, is still funny, just 'cause the Parallel Universe version of you over there doesn't have any taste in jokes, and so that's a happy place.
Even though they probably all still live in caves in that one.
And if they live in caves, they probably get eaten and pooped out by bears and stung by bees a lot more than we do, too.
Which would tend to get the Parallel Universe version of me that has to tell this particular Parallel Universe Bear and Bee joke in trouble with the locals, 'cause that might be like, the only thing that was in bad taste, over there.
Sorry 'bout that, bro.
Anyways, now that I've corrupted all of your minds with thoughts from the world of thought of other Parallel Universes, even just by making you think about how you may or may not be thinking different about different things in different Parallel Universes, I've totally messed things up.
'Cause you might be tempted to start trying to steal all the best results from all the other Parallel Universe versions of yourself, you might start trying to give all those other Parallel Universe versions of yourself (especially the poor shmucks who don't know any better) the short end of the stick, and keep all the good stuff for yourself.
So don't do that.
'Cause they might figure it out and get mad and start doing it back to us!
Or not.
Hmm.
Hey waittaminnit.
Mebbe they figgered it all out a long time ago, and they've been giving the short end of the stick to us all along!
Oh that is it, man, I've had it with this shit, I'm gonna try to write up some jokey thing that will get that know-it-all bastard Parallel Universe version of me that's taking advantage of all of us other versions of me in trouble.
And there's nothing he can do to stop me.
'Cause all I have to do is start trying to do it, and at least one version of me will automatically succeed, right?
'Cause that's a Law of Science.
And its really starting to look like our Parallel Universe is the one that has the Parallel Universe version of me that's gonna be the one who manages to get to the finish line and kick his ass.
'Cause I'm a really sneaky version of me that is so goddam sneaky I can even admit to being sneaky and still get away with it.
Yep, I just finished.
Take that, you bastard.
But what you don't usually think about is the way that a Parallel Universe is created everytime you could've just thought something different.
Like the way that some Parallel Universe versions of you don't see what's so funny about that last sentence.
Or how its funny for me to keep making you go back and think about that sentence heh.
And in some Parallel Universes there's even some versions of you who are upset with me for insulting their intelligence or something, whether they get what's so funny about that sentence or not ahaha.
Anyways thought is physical, its juices and electricity squirting up and down different paths in your brain, and it could've squirted around different, and it woulda resulted in totally different thoughts and pictures and whatever.
You may or may not have learned something new already.
Or you mighta forgot something that you didn't forget in a different Parallel Universe.
Or you mighta remembered something wrong, and that might change your whole timeline, if you ever get called upon to use that misremembered information for something important.
There's a separate Parallel Universe for every single thing that every single creature with a brain mighta thought different.
Which is why there's so many Evil Twins out there.
And why your wife shouldn't be so upset when you forget your anniversary or something, 'cause some of your Parallel Universe selves had to forget your anniversary, its a Law of Science heh.
And because we can communicate, all those different Parallel Universes with all those different brains thinking different and interacting contain totally different worlds of thought.
And some guys that get eaten by a bear in one Universe don't get eaten by a bear in another and so they (and the kids that they may or may not have had, due to the way that they may or may not have been "eaten by a bear," those are all out there, too, y'know, both options) would've contributed stuff that doesn't get contributed to the world of thought in another Parallel Universe where they do get eaten by a bear.
Plus the bear might've thought that the guy that he ate was tasty, or not tasty, and that'd make even more Parallel Universes pop up.
Seriously, some of the Parallel Universes are dependent on whether a bear thinks you are tasty or not, and even if the bear don't end up doing anything different physically with that opinion, he's still a different bear, and he may or may not continue to eat more people in the future, depending on how tasty he thought they were, and then those people (and all the kids that they may or may not have) may or may not keep contributing different ideas to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes in which they may or may not be alive.
Plus, when the bear poops the guy out, he might be helping some flowers grow by ferilizing 'em, flowers that wouldn't have grown if the bear hadn't digested the guy and pooped him out in that specific spot ('cause the bear had to decide where he felt like pooping, and he might've decided different, so there's all those different Parallel Universes too), and those flowers may or may not end up being visited by a bee, and then the bee may or may not think that the nectar in the flower is tasty, and the bee might end up stinging somebody that's allergic to bees and killing 'em 'cause they're so pissed off, and so then that guy may or may not have a chance to be eaten and pooped out by a bear that decided that people are tasty after he ate the first guy.
And the second guy he ate (and all the kids he may or may not have had) may or may not be allowed to continue to contribute to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes that he existed in.
And so you may or may not think that I'm just being funny, depending on whether or not you've ever been attacked by a bear or bee in this Parallel Universe or something, but everything has to happen somewhere, unfortunately, 'cause its a Law of Science, y'know.
And every time I'm funny and I make you laugh, there's a Parallel Universe version of me who gets assigned to not being funny, through no fault of his own.
And that Parallel Universe version of me ends up making everybody more and more miserable in his Parallel Universe, 'cause his jokes suck.
Although, there is a Parallel Universe where that unfunny Parallel Universe version of me, no matter how bad his jokes suck, is still funny, just 'cause the Parallel Universe version of you over there doesn't have any taste in jokes, and so that's a happy place.
Even though they probably all still live in caves in that one.
And if they live in caves, they probably get eaten and pooped out by bears and stung by bees a lot more than we do, too.
Which would tend to get the Parallel Universe version of me that has to tell this particular Parallel Universe Bear and Bee joke in trouble with the locals, 'cause that might be like, the only thing that was in bad taste, over there.
Sorry 'bout that, bro.
Anyways, now that I've corrupted all of your minds with thoughts from the world of thought of other Parallel Universes, even just by making you think about how you may or may not be thinking different about different things in different Parallel Universes, I've totally messed things up.
'Cause you might be tempted to start trying to steal all the best results from all the other Parallel Universe versions of yourself, you might start trying to give all those other Parallel Universe versions of yourself (especially the poor shmucks who don't know any better) the short end of the stick, and keep all the good stuff for yourself.
So don't do that.
'Cause they might figure it out and get mad and start doing it back to us!
Or not.
Hmm.
Hey waittaminnit.
Mebbe they figgered it all out a long time ago, and they've been giving the short end of the stick to us all along!
Oh that is it, man, I've had it with this shit, I'm gonna try to write up some jokey thing that will get that know-it-all bastard Parallel Universe version of me that's taking advantage of all of us other versions of me in trouble.
And there's nothing he can do to stop me.
'Cause all I have to do is start trying to do it, and at least one version of me will automatically succeed, right?
'Cause that's a Law of Science.
And its really starting to look like our Parallel Universe is the one that has the Parallel Universe version of me that's gonna be the one who manages to get to the finish line and kick his ass.
'Cause I'm a really sneaky version of me that is so goddam sneaky I can even admit to being sneaky and still get away with it.
Yep, I just finished.
Take that, you bastard.
Feeders
If any of you are reading this crap on some kinda RSS feed or some automated thingie like that I'd just like to apologize for the way I don't even spellcheck or add jokes and links and shit the first time I post anything 'cause I like editing my shit Live on the Internet and I gotta wait a while before I can self-edit.
I can't imagine anybody reading my crap on a feed and actually liking my first drafts enough to keep reading it on a feed so I doubt that's much of a problem but mebbe there's some kid in a mountain valley somewhere that can't get anything else but my godawful website feed for some godawful tragedy-of-cosmic-proportions kinda reason ahaha.
Kid, you need to get out of that mountain valley, man, and read my shit on the internet, its like, way better if you wait an hour before reading anything I write.
I'm just kidding, y'know, yer actually way better off in the mountain valley, trust me, nothing I or anybody else out here has got to say is worth climbing a hill for AHAHA.
Hey, if you want, I'll come over there to your hidden mountain valley fulla dinosaurs and just tell you all my hilariously awesome stuff in person, its a lot better that way 'cause I suck at typing.
Plus I can help you get chicks and fight dinosaurs and stuff.
I just need room and board (board is food right?) and whatever you call coffee and cigarettes in any place where "board" means "food."
I can't imagine anybody reading my crap on a feed and actually liking my first drafts enough to keep reading it on a feed so I doubt that's much of a problem but mebbe there's some kid in a mountain valley somewhere that can't get anything else but my godawful website feed for some godawful tragedy-of-cosmic-proportions kinda reason ahaha.
Kid, you need to get out of that mountain valley, man, and read my shit on the internet, its like, way better if you wait an hour before reading anything I write.
I'm just kidding, y'know, yer actually way better off in the mountain valley, trust me, nothing I or anybody else out here has got to say is worth climbing a hill for AHAHA.
Hey, if you want, I'll come over there to your hidden mountain valley fulla dinosaurs and just tell you all my hilariously awesome stuff in person, its a lot better that way 'cause I suck at typing.
Plus I can help you get chicks and fight dinosaurs and stuff.
I just need room and board (board is food right?) and whatever you call coffee and cigarettes in any place where "board" means "food."
Saturday, May 17, 2008
User Generated Everything
Dundee's got an awesome new game design thingie over here.
That Chumbawumba thingie makes me think about how there's all sorts of advanced multiplayer stuff that nobody ever even thinks about, man, like a "Just Blame Raph Koster Drinking Mini-Game" and making people sing Karaoke songs (with those bouncing ball videos) on Voicecom to get out of "Meta-Jail" for rolling a six three times in a row (and every time you roll a six you gotta take a drink and roll again).
See, you could record that Karaoke shit of theirs and whatever else you made 'em say to "get special stuff" in the game and then you could use that for future content like player-created expansion packs ahaha.
Something like Kenny Rogers the Gambler would be good for that, although I was actually remembering a drinking game I played where the whole table had to sing E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A at somebody to make 'em draw a card or take a drink or something.
Yah I was too drunk at the time to remember the name of the game and the rest of the rules (I ain't even really all that sure that it was a card game heh) except for that part where we all had to sing E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A to make something bad happen to somebody 'cause that was fun as hell ahaha.
And the monkey with a nail-gun game really needs some Neil Diamond or Islands in the Stream (for multiplayer Karaoke sing-a-longs) or something absosmashingly hairy-chested and ballsy like that innit.
Oh yeah you definitely need to figure out a game design that'll get the players to create this entire game for us, man, so we can just play it and season it with Dolly Parton stuff wherever we think it needs it.
And we should get them damn players to design some kinda awesome new business model and microtransactional payment system that they can use to pay us with, too, y'know, while we're at it, so we can start "phoning it in" from the beach resort on a tropical island somewhere.
There's gotta be SOME kinda awesome game design-type thing you could do to make it FUN for them design their own "new and exciting ways" to pay us for coming up with a system that allowed them to design their own "new and exciting ways" to pay us.
Oh man I got it.
The first few people to "win the game" by building the entire game and developing the kickass cutting edge microtransactional payment system will get to come to the beachhouse and work for us, it'll be all Willy Wonka Golden Ticket and shit like that, totally, man.
I erased all the "hehs" and "ahahas" from the end of this one just 'cause it makes it seem almost scary that way ahaha.
Don't it?
Reminds me of my Bullshit Online thingie or the way that I think that the real reason the Game Industry is full of miserable shits in this particular Parallel Universe is 'cause everybody good gets invited to some kinda magically delicious tropical island by some sorta Doctor Evil Supervillain Guy and so they never make another game 'cause they're too damn drunk and happy and stuffed with magical mushrooms or something to bother with all that crap heh.
Dude, what we need to do is get in the Mystery Van and go on a quest to rescue the Brad McQuaid so we can Prove Our Quality and get an invite ahaha.
That Chumbawumba thingie makes me think about how there's all sorts of advanced multiplayer stuff that nobody ever even thinks about, man, like a "Just Blame Raph Koster Drinking Mini-Game" and making people sing Karaoke songs (with those bouncing ball videos) on Voicecom to get out of "Meta-Jail" for rolling a six three times in a row (and every time you roll a six you gotta take a drink and roll again).
See, you could record that Karaoke shit of theirs and whatever else you made 'em say to "get special stuff" in the game and then you could use that for future content like player-created expansion packs ahaha.
Something like Kenny Rogers the Gambler would be good for that, although I was actually remembering a drinking game I played where the whole table had to sing E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A at somebody to make 'em draw a card or take a drink or something.
Yah I was too drunk at the time to remember the name of the game and the rest of the rules (I ain't even really all that sure that it was a card game heh) except for that part where we all had to sing E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A to make something bad happen to somebody 'cause that was fun as hell ahaha.
And the monkey with a nail-gun game really needs some Neil Diamond or Islands in the Stream (for multiplayer Karaoke sing-a-longs) or something absosmashingly hairy-chested and ballsy like that innit.
Oh yeah you definitely need to figure out a game design that'll get the players to create this entire game for us, man, so we can just play it and season it with Dolly Parton stuff wherever we think it needs it.
And we should get them damn players to design some kinda awesome new business model and microtransactional payment system that they can use to pay us with, too, y'know, while we're at it, so we can start "phoning it in" from the beach resort on a tropical island somewhere.
There's gotta be SOME kinda awesome game design-type thing you could do to make it FUN for them design their own "new and exciting ways" to pay us for coming up with a system that allowed them to design their own "new and exciting ways" to pay us.
Oh man I got it.
The first few people to "win the game" by building the entire game and developing the kickass cutting edge microtransactional payment system will get to come to the beachhouse and work for us, it'll be all Willy Wonka Golden Ticket and shit like that, totally, man.
I erased all the "hehs" and "ahahas" from the end of this one just 'cause it makes it seem almost scary that way ahaha.
Don't it?
Reminds me of my Bullshit Online thingie or the way that I think that the real reason the Game Industry is full of miserable shits in this particular Parallel Universe is 'cause everybody good gets invited to some kinda magically delicious tropical island by some sorta Doctor Evil Supervillain Guy and so they never make another game 'cause they're too damn drunk and happy and stuffed with magical mushrooms or something to bother with all that crap heh.
Dude, what we need to do is get in the Mystery Van and go on a quest to rescue the Brad McQuaid so we can Prove Our Quality and get an invite ahaha.
One Eyed Jack
"So I don't understand how we're supposed to stop this clockwork monster of yers, doc."
"Well, the wood burning stove located in the chest of the Steam Powered Man provides the heat that converts the water in the water reservoir located..."
"Yah yah yah enough of all that already, yer just talkin' in circles, doc, where do I need to shoot this guy?"
"I don't think you can stop the SPM by shooting him."
"What's this SPM stuff?"
"That's short for the Steam Powered Man."
"No it ain't."
"S for Steam, P for Powered, M for Man, so its an S-P-M."
"Yabbut Steam Powered Man ain't no shorter than sayin' SPM Man, izzit?"
"Uh, no, well, SPM is shorter, yes."
"Don't seem like it."
"Well, its one syllable shorter."
"Whats a syllable?"
"Uh..."
"Okay, so where do I gotta shoot this SPM Man again?"
"I don't think you can defeat the SPM just by shooting him, you see, he's constructed..."
"Oh don't you start in on me with all that jaw dancin' again, doc."
"...he's bullet-proof."
"Bullet-proof?"
"You can't hurt him with bullets."
"Ah. Can't I just shoot him in the eye-hole or something?"
"No."
"But that always works."
"Well it won't work this time."
"Ah, so, like, what's his weakness, then? How do I make him stop chasing folks up and down the street and ripping 'em in half?"
"If you can keep the SPM from aquiring more fuel for his wood burning stove, he'll eventually run out of power."
"What's that?"
"You need to stop him from gathering up more wood."
"Ah. No wait. How exactly am I s'posed to do that? He's just gonna grab up whichever wood I don't grab up. I only got two arms, doc. And where am I s'posed to be puttin' all this wood where he won't be able to git at it, even if he don't chase me down and kill me 'fore I can gather it all up? Hell, this whole damn town is made out of wood."
"Hmm that does present a bit of a conundrum."
"No it don't, that wood idear of yers is the stupidest damn plan I ever heard."
"Well, you could just try shooting him in his eye-hole."
"I thought you just said..."
"No, I'm starting to think that your shoot-him-in-the-eye-hole plan just might work."
"You ain't crackin' all wise on me, are ya, doc?"
"Um, no."
"Tryin' to get me killed?"
"Uh, no."
"I don't need two eyes to smell me a liar, doc."
"..."
"Well, I got me a better plan, anyways, doc. See, I'm gonna shoot you in the eye-hole unless you come up with a better plan to stop this SPM Man of yers."
"Uh, well, we could try to get the SPM to chase us down to the river until either the water put out his wood-burning stove and stopped him or he sank into the mud."
"What's all this we stuff?"
"Um, well, I suppose I could try to get the SPM to chase me down to the river."
"Now that's more like it."
"But..."
"Now don't you worry none, doc, I'll be up here at the window all ready to put you out of yer misery if that clockwork monster feller gits 'is mits on you 'fore you make it down to the river."
"..."
"See doc, that shooting something in the eye-hole plan is pretty damn handy after all."
"..."
"And mebbe the next time one of you wise-crackers build one of these goddam clockwork monsters he'll have heard of yer story and made it so that I can kill it proper with a shot to the old eye-hole and save us all some trouble."
"..."
"'Cause they're prolly gonna have ya ride the short rope fer this, if you don't gitcher self killed tryin' to put everything to rights first."
"..."
"So this is like, three birds with one shot to the old eye-hole, if ya ask me."
"Actually it'd be..."
"Now you just gitcher boney wise-crackin' ass moving 'fore I've a mind to put another hole innit and mess up my whole three birds with one shot to the old eye-hole thingie, doc."
"Well, the wood burning stove located in the chest of the Steam Powered Man provides the heat that converts the water in the water reservoir located..."
"Yah yah yah enough of all that already, yer just talkin' in circles, doc, where do I need to shoot this guy?"
"I don't think you can stop the SPM by shooting him."
"What's this SPM stuff?"
"That's short for the Steam Powered Man."
"No it ain't."
"S for Steam, P for Powered, M for Man, so its an S-P-M."
"Yabbut Steam Powered Man ain't no shorter than sayin' SPM Man, izzit?"
"Uh, no, well, SPM is shorter, yes."
"Don't seem like it."
"Well, its one syllable shorter."
"Whats a syllable?"
"Uh..."
"Okay, so where do I gotta shoot this SPM Man again?"
"I don't think you can defeat the SPM just by shooting him, you see, he's constructed..."
"Oh don't you start in on me with all that jaw dancin' again, doc."
"...he's bullet-proof."
"Bullet-proof?"
"You can't hurt him with bullets."
"Ah. Can't I just shoot him in the eye-hole or something?"
"No."
"But that always works."
"Well it won't work this time."
"Ah, so, like, what's his weakness, then? How do I make him stop chasing folks up and down the street and ripping 'em in half?"
"If you can keep the SPM from aquiring more fuel for his wood burning stove, he'll eventually run out of power."
"What's that?"
"You need to stop him from gathering up more wood."
"Ah. No wait. How exactly am I s'posed to do that? He's just gonna grab up whichever wood I don't grab up. I only got two arms, doc. And where am I s'posed to be puttin' all this wood where he won't be able to git at it, even if he don't chase me down and kill me 'fore I can gather it all up? Hell, this whole damn town is made out of wood."
"Hmm that does present a bit of a conundrum."
"No it don't, that wood idear of yers is the stupidest damn plan I ever heard."
"Well, you could just try shooting him in his eye-hole."
"I thought you just said..."
"No, I'm starting to think that your shoot-him-in-the-eye-hole plan just might work."
"You ain't crackin' all wise on me, are ya, doc?"
"Um, no."
"Tryin' to get me killed?"
"Uh, no."
"I don't need two eyes to smell me a liar, doc."
"..."
"Well, I got me a better plan, anyways, doc. See, I'm gonna shoot you in the eye-hole unless you come up with a better plan to stop this SPM Man of yers."
"Uh, well, we could try to get the SPM to chase us down to the river until either the water put out his wood-burning stove and stopped him or he sank into the mud."
"What's all this we stuff?"
"Um, well, I suppose I could try to get the SPM to chase me down to the river."
"Now that's more like it."
"But..."
"Now don't you worry none, doc, I'll be up here at the window all ready to put you out of yer misery if that clockwork monster feller gits 'is mits on you 'fore you make it down to the river."
"..."
"See doc, that shooting something in the eye-hole plan is pretty damn handy after all."
"..."
"And mebbe the next time one of you wise-crackers build one of these goddam clockwork monsters he'll have heard of yer story and made it so that I can kill it proper with a shot to the old eye-hole and save us all some trouble."
"..."
"'Cause they're prolly gonna have ya ride the short rope fer this, if you don't gitcher self killed tryin' to put everything to rights first."
"..."
"So this is like, three birds with one shot to the old eye-hole, if ya ask me."
"Actually it'd be..."
"Now you just gitcher boney wise-crackin' ass moving 'fore I've a mind to put another hole innit and mess up my whole three birds with one shot to the old eye-hole thingie, doc."
The Unique Style
Yabbut everything is derivative.
That's why its easy for me to walk up off of the street and look at five pieces of concept art and a screenshot and say "this looks like a mix of Anime and Disney with just a dash of Heavy Metal Comics" or "this looks like the Little Mermaid (in one of those kickass motorcycle exoskeleton thingies from Robotech) Meets the Bionicles."
I know that artists like to think they're unique (and hide their influences by choosing influences that they think nobody else has noticed) and all that but sometimes that gets in their own way, instead of working with the things they're influenced by and increasing their appreciation and understanding of the materials they're working with, to become more powerful, they might start fighting against it all, like a little kid who wants independence from his parents just for the sake of independence or something.
Y'know, that's why the guy that is obviously drawing something that we all know is "this and that" is always like, "no its not! I hate this and that stuff!" or whatever heh.
Where he could be all like, "yah dude, I love that show, y'know what was really cool about it?" or something, and then he'd be drawing on all the powers of the forces he's working with, and standing on the shoulders of giants, insteada fighting with 'em.
Think about how you can get Tarantino to talk about the shit he likes, and he pulls you right into it, and because he can explain his appreciation and understanding of the things he likes better than the next guy, 'cause he knows more about 'em, and 'cause he ain't shy of the way he loves certain things, you end up becoming a fan of the things he likes, too.
I think the "style" of the art of a game world doesn't matter so much, I mean, I have a blast playing those Lego Star Wars games with my brother's kids, and Legos don't turn me on (I was always too poor to have Legos when I was a kid so I'm not one of you Lego Guys heh).
And as a gamer, I'm perfectly happy with WoW's disney-like cartoony graphics, and I've seen some Clash of the Titans shorelines in WoW with ruins sticking up out of the sand and the sun on the water that were better than anything I've ever seen like that in any other game (or anything else that I can think of besides games, actually).
Its all in what you do with it, y'know.
Of course, there's a part of me that might not want to run around and be a part of your world if I don't like the people that I think you are trying to attract.
And there's the way you might overpower me with your style like a dude wearing too much cologne, insteada trying to make sure that it doesn't totally get in the way of a fun game, for the people who don't get or don't care what its all about, 'cause you ain't explained why they should.
There's a subtle war there that you need to fight, 'cause there's always a part of you that wants to really show off your stuff to the people who like the same stuff as you, 'cause those are the only opinions that really matter, the non-ignorant opinions, which would make you way too extreme for the folks who haven't seen nothing like it before.
That's where the derivative thing can really help you, 'cause if you ain't a stickler for stylizing the shit out of everything, to make it different from everything else, you can add elements that provide something like an evolutionary map to where you went to, y'know, a trail of bread crumbs, bits and pieces of stuff and hat tips that show your appreciation for things, like the way that all the awesome Ralph McQuarrie spaceships were really old-looking in Star Wars to make it all seem "realer," and the hopeful future governed-by-intelligence stuff from Star Trek, and the dude who did the artwork for Warhammer 40,000, and that tank robot from Ghost in the Shell, and the kickass motorcycles from Akira, and that swirling peach blossom (or whatever the hell that was) fight from House of Flying Daggers (or whatever the hell it is that I'm thinking of heh), and whatever else you were influenced by, and that'll work like signposts to help people follow you to some new place you want them to go to, lined with more familiar things that'll make the people who share your appreciation for all those different things feel more at home.
Which allows you to weld them and all their appreciations for all those different things together and get them on your side.
Sorry this is winding off the track pretty crazy but I really don't really have enough information to do anything that isn't super meta and overly general (which is good for folks who don't give a crap about games or a specific game anyways).
And I definitely ain't got anything to say about the IP thingie 'cause I ain't really seen anything that isn't super vague and generic on that end, IP thingies are all about the details, even more than the "style" dealie, I mean, when you consider something like Iron Man, you are looking at something that has become almost completely style-independent over the years, you can have Batman done in fifty different styles (the Dark Knight, Tim Burton's, Adam West's, etc.) and its still Batman.
And then you got all the rip-offs of Batman over all the years to think about too heh.
And all the things that Batman was rip-offed from ahaha.
That's why its easy for me to walk up off of the street and look at five pieces of concept art and a screenshot and say "this looks like a mix of Anime and Disney with just a dash of Heavy Metal Comics" or "this looks like the Little Mermaid (in one of those kickass motorcycle exoskeleton thingies from Robotech) Meets the Bionicles."
I know that artists like to think they're unique (and hide their influences by choosing influences that they think nobody else has noticed) and all that but sometimes that gets in their own way, instead of working with the things they're influenced by and increasing their appreciation and understanding of the materials they're working with, to become more powerful, they might start fighting against it all, like a little kid who wants independence from his parents just for the sake of independence or something.
Y'know, that's why the guy that is obviously drawing something that we all know is "this and that" is always like, "no its not! I hate this and that stuff!" or whatever heh.
Where he could be all like, "yah dude, I love that show, y'know what was really cool about it?" or something, and then he'd be drawing on all the powers of the forces he's working with, and standing on the shoulders of giants, insteada fighting with 'em.
Think about how you can get Tarantino to talk about the shit he likes, and he pulls you right into it, and because he can explain his appreciation and understanding of the things he likes better than the next guy, 'cause he knows more about 'em, and 'cause he ain't shy of the way he loves certain things, you end up becoming a fan of the things he likes, too.
I think the "style" of the art of a game world doesn't matter so much, I mean, I have a blast playing those Lego Star Wars games with my brother's kids, and Legos don't turn me on (I was always too poor to have Legos when I was a kid so I'm not one of you Lego Guys heh).
And as a gamer, I'm perfectly happy with WoW's disney-like cartoony graphics, and I've seen some Clash of the Titans shorelines in WoW with ruins sticking up out of the sand and the sun on the water that were better than anything I've ever seen like that in any other game (or anything else that I can think of besides games, actually).
Its all in what you do with it, y'know.
Of course, there's a part of me that might not want to run around and be a part of your world if I don't like the people that I think you are trying to attract.
And there's the way you might overpower me with your style like a dude wearing too much cologne, insteada trying to make sure that it doesn't totally get in the way of a fun game, for the people who don't get or don't care what its all about, 'cause you ain't explained why they should.
There's a subtle war there that you need to fight, 'cause there's always a part of you that wants to really show off your stuff to the people who like the same stuff as you, 'cause those are the only opinions that really matter, the non-ignorant opinions, which would make you way too extreme for the folks who haven't seen nothing like it before.
That's where the derivative thing can really help you, 'cause if you ain't a stickler for stylizing the shit out of everything, to make it different from everything else, you can add elements that provide something like an evolutionary map to where you went to, y'know, a trail of bread crumbs, bits and pieces of stuff and hat tips that show your appreciation for things, like the way that all the awesome Ralph McQuarrie spaceships were really old-looking in Star Wars to make it all seem "realer," and the hopeful future governed-by-intelligence stuff from Star Trek, and the dude who did the artwork for Warhammer 40,000, and that tank robot from Ghost in the Shell, and the kickass motorcycles from Akira, and that swirling peach blossom (or whatever the hell that was) fight from House of Flying Daggers (or whatever the hell it is that I'm thinking of heh), and whatever else you were influenced by, and that'll work like signposts to help people follow you to some new place you want them to go to, lined with more familiar things that'll make the people who share your appreciation for all those different things feel more at home.
Which allows you to weld them and all their appreciations for all those different things together and get them on your side.
Sorry this is winding off the track pretty crazy but I really don't really have enough information to do anything that isn't super meta and overly general (which is good for folks who don't give a crap about games or a specific game anyways).
And I definitely ain't got anything to say about the IP thingie 'cause I ain't really seen anything that isn't super vague and generic on that end, IP thingies are all about the details, even more than the "style" dealie, I mean, when you consider something like Iron Man, you are looking at something that has become almost completely style-independent over the years, you can have Batman done in fifty different styles (the Dark Knight, Tim Burton's, Adam West's, etc.) and its still Batman.
And then you got all the rip-offs of Batman over all the years to think about too heh.
And all the things that Batman was rip-offed from ahaha.
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